I always feel awkward when taking self-portraits.

If there's no one to respond to, I don't smile, and since the unsmiling face isn't always the greatest I start taking pictures of features or distancing myself from the camera or getting a more 'washed out' look.

Or I lose my balance while the self-timer runs and end up getting an AWESOME picture like this. XD

(On a side note: skinny jeans do not make me look skinny. -_-)

(On another side note, I like feet pictures.)

These were taken Monday, on my way home from class...it had been a particularly frustrating session in Photoshop (vector masks and rasterized images are NOT all they're cracked up to be), so instead of going directly home I went around the lake. This ledge thingy is by the dam at the north end of the lake, and a lot of fun to walk on.

And there was a really nice breeze (a storm was moving in--I love storms), and the water looked so nice, and the temperature was so cool...it was a much-needed change from the Photoshop madness.

An instance where I didn't smile...combination of a long day and general melancholy. Meh.

But I really liked how the 'serious' ones turned out.

I think I've been in a rather serious mood lately...in a little less than a month I'm turning 19. And while 18 seemed more like a threshold to adulthood, 19 seems a bit more serious and less of a prelude.

Along with that crossing-the-threshold-into-adulthood line is the realization that I earn enough to cover my basic costs plus a tiny bit to spend and save. I work something around 30+ hours a week in my part-time jobs, which may not seem like a lot to a person working a 'real' job but factor in another 10 hours of class-time (not counting homework time) and I always feel highly rushed--too rushed to do the things I want, like ride the horses on a regular basis, walk the dog, and draw/paint.

As a consequence, I've decided to work smarter, not harder.

Let's just say that Mom and I have been brainstorming, and we've got ideas involving my selling things for people...the kinks haven't totally been worked out yet, but it's a viable idea.

Will things slow down? I don't know. If nothing else I may be able to work from home, at my own pace, and feel like I'm doing things slower (and I'd be able to take time off whenever I wanted XD).

I love the prospect of being self-employed...

So ideas are flowing, and while I'm not ready to quit my normal jobs I'm certainly looking into other venues. And who knows? Maybe I'll actually get somewhere with 'em.

Your pondering hostess,

The Fox

While looking up random things on Google and coming across the "Molly is a dreamer" line, that got me to thinking about dreams.

On a random tangent I've been dreaming a bit less, or forcing myself to dream less, because to dream is to be idealistic. And lately inward idealism, while a noble idea, has been making me depressed rather than energized because in this day and age it is mocked and devalued. To dream of finding a good, faithful spouse seems childish because look at how many people go off the deep end after decades of being together, or how many losers pay lip service to the idea of faithfulness and in no time at all go back on their promises. To dream of having a friend you can trust is silly, because look at the people who portray themselves to be someone and end up being COMPLETELY different from the person they pretended to be. To dream of taking life by the horns and doing something you love, even if it's unpractical, is stupid because what if you fail and end up penniless on the streets? To dream of doing something crazy and fantastic and wonderful is frightening, because it IS crazy and wonderful and tempered with just enough risk of failure that most people don't do it.

And to dream...to dream is intimidating, because sometimes you can't imagine yourself being good enough to try whatever it is you want to try, and you shrink back and try not to think too hard about your dreams, because to bring about its realization means you have to be brave enough to admit that you need to better yourself and be jolted out of your comfort zone. And THAT is why, while growing up, people force themselves to stop dreaming. Because it is hard, and requires effort to bring about to realization.

Your hostess,

The Fox

I am of the opinion that, while some of the best pictures due to lighting and set-up etc were caught onstage, some of the best pictures story-wise were caught backstage.

Isn't that the way these things always go, though? The polished story is the front that everyone sees, but it's the little things that happen backstage and create that camaraderie to which only people who have been thrown together for a common purpose can relate. It's part of the magic of theater--the creating of friendships, the stories of people saying and doing silly things (as only people can do)...that's the part that I always remember the most. Behind the established story is one that thrives in and of itself, simply because there were people who cared enough to bring it to life.

For example: this may look like Will chilling near the dressing rooms. But by being there I knew that he had just gotten his makeup applied and was hurrying up to the stage for a microphone check.

By being there I knew that this was Bailey in the second try for a picture, in reality wearing a modified skirt (she's tiny) and waiting for the cue to go onstage.

By being there I knew that this was the frenzy five minutes before the show started, with me sitting up next to the curtain and alternately snapping pictures and peering out at the crowd...

...that this was Zach, killing time before his entrance as the narrator and being blinded by my flash (sorry 'bout that, by the way)...

That this was...uh...my foot, simply because I thought it looked kinda neat.

Okay, that's not really relevant. But hey, I was getting bored sitting eight feet off the ground behind the curtain and getting my feet tickled by random passers-by.

That people were exhausted the last day, and resting near the stage door in an attempt to relax before going back onstage...

That this was Derek being...Derek... XD

That during intermission some of the background folks came out onstage to blink in the dazzling stagelight and get some much-deserved attention...

That someone's tap shoes had been slipped into a different dressing room and there was a bit of a flurry before they were found (and posed with)...

That this was the seniors, together after the last performance before going their separate ways in life.

I hadn't intended for this to be such a reminiscing post. But...those who have not been involved in a creative endeavor simply do not realize the things that happen in the background to bring a bunch of random people together to make something magical happen.

And that...that is the magic of theater.

That's what makes it all worthwhile.

And that's what makes us keep coming back.

Your hostess,

The Fox

At the end of a long day filled with racing hither, thither, and yon, a simple dinner of popcorn and blueberries is all that one needs.

It helps if that one is female, has a small appetite, and doesn't have enough energy to make something more substantial. Just sayin'. XD

So this upcoming weekend/week looks to be a filled-to-the-brim one...tomorrow Mom and I are going to the sushi restaurant in order to take some lessons in the art of cooking Japanese food. *drools* We're all pretty excited about it...and pictures WILL be taken... XD

Sunday I'm not sure as to whether I'm going to be in the parade or not. I had signed up to ride the horse in said parade, but I found out today that some special people are coming to church and Mom invited them plus several friends over for lunch immediately after church, which ends sometime around 1. If I'm to be in the parade I would have to miss church and lunch (and I'd rather NOT miss it, because we've been working on an excellent series based on the book of Ruth for church, and I don't want to miss lunch because...well...I LIKE Sunday lunches... XD). So it's a conundrum of sorts.

After the parade I'm helping a photographer--which reminds me, I need to get some prints of pictures made, so I can make overtures to restaurants (there are several in town that sell local artists' work) and such. I'm not sure what I'm doing for the photographer yet, but I think it involves catching people's interest as they walk around the square and look at booths and such. So here's to that working out. *crosses fingers*

Then for the rest of the week there's the normal cleaning of houses and painting at rehearsals. Wednesday I'm meeting with a woman about taking pictures for her wedding (my first photography job!! Aaaahhh!!), and Friday I'm signing up for college classes this fall.

All in all, it's a most filled week. A funny side of all the busyness came out earlier, when I was trying to think of a reason not to pack another possible aspect of insanity (it involved a lady wanting to bring her young children over to ride the horse). Liability aside, I figured that my LIFE is my excuse to not take on any more responsibilities. XD

Minor rant ahead: I notice that when I ride the horse around town, I usually stop at least once to let some random kid (or two, or three) pet said horse. Colletta knows her job well enough to know that all she has to do is stand and graze, and she doesn't have any vices like kicking or biting. So I don't worry about kids flocking around to pet her. It's just when they (the kids) start dropping hints like 'I wish I had a horse' and 'She's so pretty, I wish I could ride her'; or when parents come out and say 'can we come over to ride sometime?' that things get kinda sticky.

I learned while giving 'riding lessons' (truthfully, most of the kids were so young that it was more like a glorified pony ride, but I digress) that there is SO much liability and unpredictable behavior on both the people and the horses' part that I'm not real comfortable with letting just anyone ride. And while Colletta may be a 'good' horse, she's also rather...ah...bossy. If an novice or someone who doesn't have much strength/confidence tries to ride her alone she has no qualms about seeing what she can get away with.

*sigh* And for some reason normal people don't seem to understand that...they have this mentality that horses are kind of like automatons that do what they're told, all the time, and that it can't be THAT hard to ride/take care of a horse/whatever. OR, they assume that the horse owner must have all this wonderful free time to ride and 'surely you can let us ride sometime too'.

...I ought to start telling people that I only get to ride two or three times a week, and my riding time is not synonymous with babysitting time. Or that I charge $60an hour, per kid. You know, to cover liability and that helmet I bought that they're borrowing and the time that I COULD be training and the time it takes me to saddle up and get her ready... XD

Actually, that isn't a half-bad idea. I ought to write up a sheet with my terms. *rubs hands together* See what happens when I brainstorm?? I start having Snidely Whiplash tendencies!

...that will be your only reference to Snidely Whiplash on this whole website. I thought I should point that out.

My annoyance with non-horse-folk aside, I suppose things have been going rather well. I have some pictures listed on my Etsy account to sell (please look at them? Please? *puppy eyes*), the painting at rehearsals is coming slowly but surely, I spent two days shoveling out the barn (finally finished *pumps fist*), and I think I'm getting a load of lime for the barn tomorrow.

(Crushed limestone, that is. Not the fruit.)

Last time we got a load of lime, we still had one horse. And it took all of us kids and three extra friends almost two days to get it all spread out.

*sobs* I'm gonna die....or at least, my arms and back are gonna die....where are a bunch of strong-backed friends when ya need 'em??

I'm sure Will can rustle up a few. He knows guys that like to show off their brawn. XD

Looking forward to a week of insanity,

The Fox

P.S. Don't forget--check out my Etsy account! That would make me very happy--and if you want to thrill me beyond belief ya could...oh, I dunno...maybe buy something? :D

I always sign my posts 'your hostess the Fox'. But lately I've been a rather poor hostess in the way of posts that have any relevance even to my own life.

(Going along with the hostess analogy, it's like inviting people to a party and then feeding them saltines--kind of dry, with no nutritional value XD)

So...consider this an effort to make some posts that have something to say, rather than just posting random pictures and hoping for the best. I've got some ideas that have been rattling around in my mind (mostly inspired by a chat I had with a friend of mine the other day--she and I are on totally opposite sides of the spectrum in nearly every way possible, and our debate made me think quite hard on a series of topics.), and it's just a matter of sitting down and writing what I've been thinking about at this point.

Your hostess,

The Fox