Les Miserables Performs Jekyll and Hyde (pt. 1)
Bramble: *peers in room where the Mizzies are gathered* Um…hi, everyone.
Javert: Oh, dear God, she’s back!!
Grantaire: It’sh about time, we ran outta booze…
Valjean: Did you finish your story?
Bramble: What, NaNoWriMo? Yup, I did. 50,115 word to be exact.
Cosette: Was it fun?
Bramble: Yeah, it was. It’s not publishing material, but it was fun while it lasted. And now I’m saaaaad!! *post-NaNo blues*
Enjolras: *sarcastically* And we’re all happy for you.
Marius: No need to get angry at the poor authoress--
Courfeyrac: Methinks that was a bad move, Pontmercy.
Valjean: *waves hands* Now, now, everyone, just calm down and stop getting all out of hand. The authoress is back, and the sooner we obey her wishes the sooner we can go back to what we were doing before she arrived.
Bramble: What? What WERE you doing, might I ask?
Joly: Nothing! Nothing at all--ACHOO!!
Javert: Nothing illegal, I assure you--
Valjean: It’s just a little fun--
Bramble: WHAT WERE YOU DOING???
Mizzies: *shuffle and mutter amongst themselves*
Combeferre: *adjusts glasses* Just a mind-exercising game, that’s all.
Bramble: *peers over his shoulder at a table filled with cards* Go Fish?
Grantaire: *waving bottle drunkenly* What? It’sh fun!
Javert: And it’s not illegal either!
Bramble: Oh, stop it with the police-talk, Javvie. I’m not amused. *crosses arms*
Javert: So I can tell…
Courfeyrac: Enough with the suspense: what are you going to have us perform?
Bramble: What makes you think that I’m going to have you perform?
Feuilly: That’s the ONLY reason you ever haul us out here: to perform some inane play.
Enjolras: Well-said, Feuilly.
Bramble: Actually, now that it comes to it, I need something to take my mind off of my post-NaNo blues. Something invigorating! Swashbuckling!
Marius: Um…is this going where I think it’s going?
Bramble: I don’t know, where do you think it’s going?
Marius: Our story?
Bramble: Les Mis? Dear me, no. Something else.
Valjean: Well? Like what?
Bramble: Well…initially I thought that I would do Jekyll and Hyde. Just because it tickled my fancy and the music is good.
Valjean: A play that has songs glorifying evil??
Javert: A play that portrays legal conservatism as old-fashioned and buffoonish??
Bramble: That is--
Enjolras: A play that has ladies of the night for crying out loud??
Bramble: I mean--
Marius: A play where the romance never pans out but ends in a horribly depressing fashion??
Bramble: So it’s not you guys’ first choice?
All: *shake heads in the negative*
Bramble: O…kay, does anyone want to hear my next choice?
Enjolras: To be honest, no.
Valjean: Come on, let’s hear the next choice. I mean, how bad could it be?
Bramble: Romeo and Juliet!
Bramble: Aw come on, why not? It’s a classic! And I have the perfect roles for everyone!
Marius: Another depressing romance? Just because it’s a classic doesn’t mean it’s great!
Bramble: *loud bang as jaw hits floor*
Courfeyrac: Ouch, that must have hurt.
Bramble: *scrapes jaw from floor* WHAT?? YOU DON’T LIKE SHAKESPEARE??
Enjolras: Of course not! If you’re going to do something good, why can’t you make it from Voltaire or something?
Bramble: How about Vidocq?
Javert: No way. Do you realize how weird it would be to have to do a portrayal of the guy who the convict over there and I are based from?
Bramble: … All right, point taken. But Romeo and Juliet is still up for grabs. Unless you guys have a better idea.
All: *shuffle and glance around uncomfortably*
Enjolras: Surely we can think of something…
Courfeyrac: This is what comes of living in this little room all by ourselves. Speaking of which, has anyone noticed how odd it is that we live here at all?
Combeferre: I believe that we only exist in the authoress’ mind. This is just one of the several rooms representing fandoms that exist in her mind, am I correct?
Bramble: Actually, you are…there’s a Temeraire fandom room (that‘s a big one, by the way), and an FMA fandom room, and a Phantom fandom room, and a Hornblower fandom room--
Javert: Enough--we get the point.
Bramble: Whoops, this just came in. *reaches into a little slot in the wall* Okay, here we go. So no one wants to do Romeo and Juliet?
All: *shake heads*
Bramble: Oh, and it would have been so hilarious if we did. Oh well, suit yourselves. *brandishes script and CDs* Take a seat, everyone.
Enjolras: *suspicious* Why?
Bramble: Just siddown and shaddup, will ya??!
All: *sit down and shut up*
Bramble: Thank you. *adjusts glasses* Now, let’s see. None of you wanted to do Romeo and Juliet, so I am given no other recourse but to make you perform…Jekyll and Hyde!
Bramble: YES!!! Here, take your scripts. *throws pages at them*
Combeferre: *plucking papers from his face* You do realize that the same restrictions apply to this play as were applied in the last play, right?
Bramble: Don’t remind me. *shudders* All righty, so I guess I’ll write down the characters’ names in this play, just so I won’t forget anyone. So there’s:
Henry Jekyll/Edward Hyde
Mr. Carew (the father of the above)
Poole (Jekyll’s butler)
The Board of Governors (Five people, I think)
Is that it?
Bramble: You’ve not seen the play in its entirety before--how would you know?
Javert: It doesn’t matter if I know or not, that’s more than enough characters for a play.
Bramble: Oh, gee, thanks wise guy.
Valjean: Yes, that is all of them.
Bramble: Thank you, Valjean. At least SOMEONE’S cooperating. *claps hands* All right, so here we go. This question is for the Amis: should Enjolras play Jekyll?
Amis: *glance at each other shrugging*
Enjolras: Of course not! Why would I ever want to play Jekyll to begin with?
Bramble: Oh, just because your character was played by Anthony Warlow who also played Jekyll in the concept album…sorry, random connection. Who’s for it?
Combeferre: It would be kind of weird to have Enjolras playing a schizophrenic murderer…
Courfeyrac: I have a good sense of humor, but even that it way out of bounds.
Bramble: So the answer’s no?
Bramble: *claps hands* Well, that settles it. Javert, you’re Jekyll.
Bramble: *rubs ears* Ow, you don’t need to screech like that. You could stand to loosen up a bit, and this role should definitely do that.
Javert: Oh no you don’t! I’m an Inspector of Police First Class! I can’t play the role of a maniac!
Bramble: Sorry, it’s been decided for you already. Now, who would make the perfect Utterson…
Javert: We are not finished with this! Anyway, why can’t Doofus over there do it? *points at Marius*
Javert: If you think about it, he’s practically bipolar anyway, isn’t too bright, has a wife and a girl who stalks him--it’d work perfectly!
Valjean: He’s got a point, authoress…
Bramble: The matter is not up for--
Marius: *steps in* I’m certainly not a doofus, and I could do the role. Just make Cosette Emma and Eponine Lucy--
Courfeyrac: Yeah, that’s a good idea!
Enjolras: At least one of us wants the dumb role…
Bramble: ENOUGH!! *silence descends* Thank you. Now, I can see where you all are coming from, and you all have a very valid point. But--
Combeferre: *pushes glasses up nose* It’s no use, Authoress. We’ve decided. And just because the Inspector happens to be your favorite character doesn’t mean that you should put him in a role that obviously isn’t suited for him.
Enjolras: The matter is not up for discussion, as you would say.
Jehan: *finally speaking up* Even I’m for this decision, Authoress.
Bramble: *glowers* You’ll all pay for this…
Courfeyrac: Ah, what could you do to us? It’s not like we can die in here or anything.
Bramble: *gets a very creepy look on face* That’s because I regularly air you guys out and actually do stuff with you. But do you know what happens to fandoms that I don’t acknowledge anymore?
Valjean: This can’t be good…
Bramble: They last for a while, but never over five years. Come with me. *leads them back to a padlocked door that is covered with dust and is boarded over; under the dust the words ‘Star Wars Fandom’ is barely seen* This is a fandom that I have ignored for nearly 5 years. Inside are the withered bodies of a fandom long since ignored. *slides back a little peephole* Take a look.
All: *shrink back*
Javert: You’re all sissies. I’ll bet she’s bluffing. *looks through peephole, gasps*
Jehan: She’s not bluffing, is she??
Javert: *slams peephole closed* You don’t wanna look…
Bramble: I hope I’ve made my case. *leads them back to the Les Mis Fandom room*
Enjolras: But you like us too much to ignore us…
Bramble: *ominous voice* Things could change.
Valjean: I’d rather not take my chances.
Bramble: So. I’ll give this one time: Marius, you can play Jekyll.
Bramble: Javert, you’re Utterson.
Javert: Ah, could be worse. I get to kill the dolt at the end.
Marius: Now that’s just mean.
Bramble: Buck up, Pontmercy! Now let’s see. Valjean, how does Mr. Carew sound?
Valjean: Just fine with me.
Bramble: Kay. Courfeyrac, you’re Stride; Enjolras, you’re Poole; Amis, choose among yourselves who will be on the Board of Governors; Cosette, you’re Emma, and Eponine, you’re Lucy.
Enjolras: Oh great, now I get to be the Bonapartists’ servant.
Bramble: You could use the--oh, dangit, lost my train of thought.
Javert: I think it derailed.
Bramble: Don’t remind me of your ‘suicide’ chapter!
Javert: What does that have to do with anything?
Bramble: ‘Javert Derailed’. That’s what it’s called.
Javert: *blinks* O…kay…
Bramble: Never mind, never mind, I’m just off on one of my random connections again. So, let’s see. Oh! I almost forgot: Montparnasse, you’re the Spider. You ought to enjoy that role.
Montparnasse: *shrugs noncommittally and continues looking bored*
Bramble: Right…so, is that everyone?
All: *nod frantically*
Bramble: Don’t look so eager! Now, there’s also the matter of versions.
Valjean: There’s versions?
Enjolras: Good grief, we’ll never get away at this rate…
Bramble: Stop whining! Now, there’s two versions: Concept Album, and the actual stage version. Both have about the same amount of ‘good’ songs and voices (although the CA pwns as far as Warlowesque-ness goes), and the stage version has actual lines instead of just singing.
Javert: No lines, please.
Courfeyrac: Ditto. The Phantom musical was bad enough.
Marius: Not to mention confusing.
Bramble: You guys were the ones who wanted stupid derogatory comments scattered throughout it! Don’t deny it!
Marius: We weren’t denying anything--
Javert: Don’t forget, dear authoress, that you could bypass such ‘stupid derogatory comments’ if you would leave us alone and stop insisting that we perform.
Bramble: But then what would I do?? *wibbles*
Enjolras: Go bug the Twilight characters or something.
Bramble: TWILIGHT IS EVIL!!! I FORBID YOU TO SPEAK THAT NAME IN MY PRESENCE!!! *snarl spit hiss*
Enjolras: *wipes face* I’ll try to remember that…
Bramble: *recovers* All righty then. So, Concept Album it is?
Bramble: Well…in that case, could I please, PLEASE put some of the Broadway songs in? Some of them are amazing.
Javert: As long as no speaking lines are involved, I don’t care in the least.
Amis: *nod and make agreement sounds*
Bramble: All righty then. To the stage!
*At the stage*
Javert: I thought we would just sing or something.
Bramble: Of course not! You have to have the costumes on as well!
Marius: *has on a coat with tails* At least I get to dress normally.
Courfeyrac: Just wait until you’re Hyde.
Marius: *shudders* Don’t remind me.
Bramble: Oh great. Pontmercy has the role, so now I’m going to try to think of ‘I Need To Know’ with Michael Ball’s voice instead of Anthony Warlow. *squeezes eyes shut in concentration*
Bahorel: We could be here a while.
Bramble: Gah! I can’t do it! *shakes head* Okay, Amis! Do you have your roles picked out?
Amis: *blank stare*
Bramble: *facepalm* Don’t tell me…All right, line up here! *points to the wall* Now, I’ll rattle the names off, and you guys decide whether you want to have that role or not. ‘Kay?
Amis: *mumble mumble*
Bramble: *consults sheet of paper* So, we have the Duchess of Warf-dale, Captain Pellew--Oh, wait, this is for Horatio Hornblower: The Duchess and the Devil. Sorry. *tosses sheet of paper aside*
Javert: What, you’re going to have us do Hornblower too?
Bramble: Actually, the thought hadn’t occurred to me before…but that’s an excellent idea. You can be Pellew, Javvie.
Javert: *rolls eyes*
Bramble: Right, so here we go. Rupert the 14th Bishop of Basingstoke, the Right Honorable Sir Archibald "Archie" Proops, Lord Theodore "Teddy" Savage, Lady Elizabeth "Bessie" Beaconsfield, and General Lord Glossop. Who wants who?
Amis: *keep their mouths shut*
Bramble: Don’t make me pick for you…
Amis: *resolutely keep their mouths shut*
Bramble: All right, here goes: Combeferre, you’re Lord Savage; Joly, you’re Sir Archibald Proops; Bahorel, you’re Lord Glossop; Laigle, you’re the Bishop of Basingstoke. Now for Lady Beaconsfield…Musichetta? Yes, you’ll do nicely.
Laigle: I’m a corrupt bishop?
Bramble: I thought the role would be rather fitting--
Laigle: Oh, gee, thanks!
Bramble: Not that way, you moron! I meant how your character is the first to get killed and that would be associated with your unluckiness. See? See?
Amis: *blank stare*
Bramble: They never see…all right, go on back and get your costumes. I’ll hand out scripts when you’re dressed.
To be continued...
Take me home!
Chapter 2 >>
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