Les Miserables
performs
Footloose (Pt. 1)
Bramble: *races in* I’M BAAAACK!
Amis: *cold glare*
Bramble: What?
Javert: You haven’t waited even two days, and you’re ready for another play?
Bramble: Yup! You got that right, bucko!
Valjean: We haven’t gotten tired of Egyptian Rat Screw yet…
Javert: *tosses cards down* I have.
Valjean: That’s because you keep losing.
Javert: That doesn’t even merit an answer.
Bramble: Well…aside from that, aren’t you guys even curious about what you’re supposed to perform?
Enjolras: Not really, no.
Javert: It’s just going to be another stupid play. After a while they all just blur together.
Bramble: …that hurts, Javvie.
Javert: *gives a ‘not my problem’ gesture*
Valjean: Well, you won’t be happy unless you tell us.
Bramble: *dramatically* You guys…are going to be performing---
Enjolras: *picks up a stack of papers and says loudly* ‘Footloose’? Isn’t that the musical you just got done performing?
Bramble: Shut up, Fearless Leader!!
Enjolras: Suppression of the people is a criminal offense, captress!
Bramble: This isn’t even remotely related to suppression of the people! You have your facts messed up, mister!
Enjolras: You don’t know the meaning of having facts messed up--
Bramble: *loudly* As Enjolras ever so subtly pointed out, we are performing Footloose next. Now, if you guys would take these scripts and pass them around we can get this over with a minimum of fuss or bodily harm.
Enjolras: That last bit was meant for me, I take it.
Bramble: How perceptive you are, Enjy. Now sit down and shut up.
Javert: Aren’t you going to tell us our roles?
Bramble: Hmm…maybe I should make you guys audition this time around…
All: NOO!!
Bramble: But why not? It would be great! All of you guys, pitting your experience and such against each other--
Javert: You’re out of your mind.
Valjean: You just noticed?
Bramble: Ouch, Valjean--I didn’t think you were capable of such biting remarks.
Valjean: It’s from hanging around him. *points at Javert*
Bramble: That would certainly do it…anyway. Back to this audition thing--
Javert: Does it really matter? You probably already have a list of who is going to play who, so what would auditions do?
Enjolras: Finally, one of us is being the voice of reason.
Bramble: I’m going to ignore you guys. Pick a song and audition with it--that’s my final decree.
All: *grumble grumble*
Bramble: Hey, I could be making you guys perform Oklahoma!, so stop whining!
All: *shudder*
*Some time later*
Bramble: So, who’s first?
Javert: *grumble* I suppose I will be the first victim.
Bramble: Good. Whatcha got?
Javert: First of all, how long do we have to sing?
Bramble: *straight-faced* The whole song.
Combeferre: I seem to recall reading that 16 bars of a song is the norm for auditions.
Javert: Thank you.
Bramble: *under her breath* Dangit!
Javert: There, out in the darkness
A fugitive running
Bramble: Wait, wait, wait!! You’re auditioning with YOUR song??
Javert: Naturally.
Bramble: Wait a second…Enjolras, what are you auditioning with?
Enjolras: ‘Do You Hear the People Sing’.
Bramble: Valjean?
Valjean: ‘Who Am I’.
Bramble: I thought so--guys! That’s cheating!
Combeferre: I beg to differ.
Bramble: Leave your legalities out of this, ‘Ferre! *to everyone* You all need to get different songs. It’s cheating to use the songs that you know inside out, backwards, forwards, and upside-down.
Valjean: It WOULD be a nice change of scenery…
Bramble: That it would. And, just so I’m completely unbiased in this, I’m going to randomly pick a song from my iTunes library for each of you to audition with.
Marius: This could get scary…
Bramble: Obviously, if I accidentally pick a girl’s song for a guy or vice-versa we can try again, but otherwise you’re stuck with what you get. And I solemnly refuse to record every snarky line you guys say, because I nearly type my fingers off just doing the normal songs. *grins evilly* Javert, you’re first.
Javert: Oh, dear Lord…
Bramble: And the song is: ‘Race You To The Top of the Morning’ from ‘The Secret Garden’!
Valjean: Ah, it could be worse.
Javert: So you think.
Bramble: I’m waiting…
Javert: Oh, fine.
Let’s see now.
When we left off last night, the hideous dragon had carried off the maid to his cave by moonlight. He gnashed his teeth, breathed his fire--the heath quaked and trembled in fear. I said:
Someone must save this sweet raven-haired maiden
Or surely the cost will be steep
So we lads all drew lots
Hog insides tied in knots
And I won, and the rest went to sleep.
So I picked up my staff
And I followed the trail
Of the smoke to the mouth of the cave
And I bid him come out
“Hey, forsooth!” I did shout
“Evil dragon, begone!
Or behave!”
And then under my breath
I uttered a charm
Said to make the worst fiend become blind
“Knaves and knights of dire plights
Now diminish his sights!”
And it worked
And the dragon went blind!
And he charged off the cliff
Howling mad, and he died
And the maiden accepted my ring
And then you came along
And were brave, bold, and strong
And in thanks every night now I sing
Race you to the top of the morning
Come sit on my shoulders and laugh
Run and hide, I’ll come and find you
Climb hills to remind you:
I love you, my boy, at my side
Is that satisfactory?
Bramble: *had been squeeing quietly in her seat* Yes, that’s great!
Javert: Yeah, yeah…
Bramble: *regains control* Right. Now…Enjolras! Your song is ‘Falcon in the Dive’ from ‘The Scarlet Pimpernel’. You should enjoy that one, seeing as how a revolutionary sort of character sings it.
Enjolras: Whoop-de-flippin-do.
Hunt for this man!
Comb the city
Every street, every grate!
You put a guard at every gate--drag him out
Shout the moment that you find him
Damn!
Knock in the doors
Lock up the city
Track him down through this town
And be quick about it--now!
How the devil can I ever prevail
When I’m only a man?
I can never be duped
By that scurrilous phantom again!
I wasn’t born to walk on water
I wasn’t born to sack and slaughter
But on my soul, I wasn’t born
To stoop, to scorn, and knuckle under
A man can learn to steal some thunder
A man can learn to work some wonder
But when the gauntlet’s down, it’s time
To rise and climb the sky
And soon the moon will smoulder
And the winds will drive
Yes, a man grows older
But his soul remains alive
All those tremulous stars still glitter
I will survive
Let my heart grow colder
And as bitter as a falcon in the dive
There. Happy?
Bramble: Yesh! You have no idea how much!
Enjolras: *mutters* Fangirls…
Bramble: Hey, fangirls are people too! Now…Combeferre? Let’s see what you can do.
Combeferre: If you insist.
Bramble: Your song is ‘When You Say You Love Me’, originally performed by Josh Grogan.
Combeferre: Very well.
Like the sound of silence calling
I hear your voice and suddenly
I’m falling
Lost in a dream
Like the echoes of our souls unwheeling
You say those words, my heart stops beating
I wonder what it means
What could it be?
That comes over me
At times I can’t move
At times I can hardly breathe
Bramble: Um…maybe that wasn’t the greatest song…it seems just a little high for your voice.
Combeferre: Duly noted, captress.
Bramble: Oh well, it still counts. Next we have--
Eponine: Me next!
Bramble: Okeydokey. Wow--it just occurred to me that this is the first time you’ve spoken in this story. Huh.
Eponine: Yeah, I don’t have as much to say, it seems.
Bramble: Let me see…your song is ‘Holding Out For a Hero’, originally performed by Bonnie Tyler.
Eponine: I’m game.
Where have all the good men gone
And where are all the gods?
Where’s a street-wise Hercule
To fight the rising odds?
Isn’t there a white knight
Upon a fiery steed
Late at night I toss and I turn
And I dream of what I need
I need a hero
I’m holding out for a hero at the end of the night
He’s gotta be strong
And he’s gotta be fast
And he’s gotta be fresh from the fight
I need a hero
I’m holding out for a hero ‘til the morning light
He’s gotta be sure
And it’s gotta be soon
And he’s gotta be larger than life
Larger than life
Bramble: Okay, you’re in.
Eponine: Yay.
Bramble: Um…Cosette, how about you go next?
Cosette: All right.
Bramble: And your song is ‘Across the Universe of Time’ by Hayley Westenra.
Cosette: Such a pretty song.
When the sea falls from the shore
When the light sinks low
Will I see you anymore?
When the rain falls from the sky
Can I bring you back
From a distant lullaby?
Show me your vision
The story begun
Two lights are rising
And burning as one
In the deep blue of the night
Shine the millions of stars
And my spirit burning bright
Spinning long, into the sun
Flying higher
Now my journey’s begun
And the cold, cold wind
It blows me away
The feeling all over
Is a black, black day
And I know that I’ll see you again
And I know that you’re near me
Bramble: Man, I like that song. Cosette, you’re definitely in.
Cosette: *just smiles*
Bramble: Who wants to be next? *looks around* Anybody? Okay, Valjean.
Valjean: *sighs but comes forward*
Bramble: Your song is…’Chance’ by Vic Mignogna! You lucky guy!
Valjean: Yay.
Seems I’ve been waiting forever
Looking for you so long
Loving my life was a gamble
I’ve been playing my cards all wrong
Now I know there’s another
Made it here before me
But he’s not all you hope for
Maybe you’ll soon be free
I tried to show you my open heart
Show you what true love could be
But while we talked of a brand new start
He kept you away from me
Now am I never gonna get a chance?
Am I never gonna have a prayer?
Will I never see the moment I’ve held so tight
Of waking in the night and finding you there?
Will I never get to show you the way I feel
And know you feel it too
Am I never gonna get my chance with you?
Bramble: *squees* I love that song! Gah!
Valjean: So I’ve noticed…
Javert: I think you’re taking this Vic Mignogna obsession a bit far…
Bramble: Blasphemy!
Javert: Case in point…
Bramble: *loftily* You can never take a Vic Mignogna obsession too far.
Valjean: Some might disagree with that.
Bramble: *composes self* Now. Who do we have next? Marius?
Marius: Eh?
Bramble: C’mon, you’re next.
Marius: Oh dear.
Bramble: Don’t be such a worry-wart. Now, your song is ‘February Song’ by Josh Groban.
Marius: That’s the second Josh Groban song so far…
Bramble: I have several of his CD s. Give me a break and be thankful that no one has had to sing a Japanese song yet. *evil grin*
Marius: Er…I’m going to just take your word on that.
Where has that old friend gone?
Lost in a February song
Tell him it won’t be long
Before he opens his eyes
Opens his eyes
Where is that simple day?
Before colors broke into shade
How did I ever fade
Into this life
Into this life
And I never want to let you down
Forgive me if I slip away
All that I know is lost and found
I promise you I
I’ll come back to you one day
Bramble: That’s good, thank you…
Marius: You’re welcome.
Bramble: I really shouldn’t have made Combeferre sing by himself…if all of the Amis would come forward please.
Amis: *comply*
Bramble: I’m just going to have you guys sing as a group. Today is your lucky day, because you get to sing: ‘Soldier A’ by Vic Mignogna!
*a military drumbeat starts up*
Amis: Soldier A
Soldier A
The unsung hero of anime
Hip hooray for Soldier A
He only has one line but saves the day
He’s called upon to grunt or yell or scream
*the Amis punctuate nearly every line with a dramatic grunt, yell, or scream*
Even if his mouth is never seen
Through the fray
With ne’er to say
He’ll lead the way
He’s Soldier A
*horns are added to the drum*
Courfeyrac: I’m Soldier A
Amis: He’s Soldier A
Courfeyrac: Never Soldier B
Amis: Never Soldier B
Courfeyrac: They tell me if I’m good
I’ll be Bystander 3
Amis: They tell him if he’s good
He’ll be Bystander 3
Courfeyrac: I have the folly every volume need
All: But I’ll never be mistaken for a lead
Joly: No way!
All: Soldier A
Soldier A
Feuilly: It’s Soldier A!
All: The unsung hero of anime
Hip-hooray for Soldier A
He only has one line but saves the day
A monster or a mecha or a guy
Doesn’t matter which, I’m gonna die
Never know what role I’ll play
But for today I’m Soldier A!
Bahorel: Today I threw a fit
All: Today he threw a fit
Bahorel: ‘Cause I didn’t get the bit
Part I wanted to do
Instead of Fanboy 1
I was Sex Offender 2
Courfeyrac: Instead of Fanboy 1
He was Sex Offender 2
(Ooh, that’s nice)
Bahorel: The engineer is changing at the scenes
All: Changing at the scenes
Bahorel: To find the one where I’m beside the bomb
When it explodes!
All: Soldier A
Soldier A
The unsung hero of anime
Hip-hooray for Soldier A
He only has one line but saves the day
He’s courageous, brave, and dangerously strong
But he won’t be around for very long
‘Cause his platoon gets blown away
Oh let us pray for Soldier A!
Laigle: Tracks are getting dense
All: Ooh getting dense
Laigle: The wall is intense
All: So intense
Laigle: The director says it’s time
For my dying to commence
Combeferre: *through a bullhorn* Now it’s time to die
With pain and suffering
You’ll do proudly
Laigle: My death rattle simply was sublime
But the engineer blew it, so I’ll have to do it
All: ONE MORE TIME!
Soldier A
Soldier A
The unsung hero of anime
Hip-hooray for Soldier A
He only has one line but saves the day
He’s called upon to grunt or yell or scream
Even if his mouth is never seen
Through the fray
He’ll lead the way
So let us pray for
Will he ever say more
Hip hip hooray for Soldier A!
Bramble: *leaps to her feet clapping loudly* Author! Encore! Bravissimo!
Javert: You’re taking this a bit far…
Bramble: Nonsense! It’s a great song!
Javert: Your brother doesn’t seem to like it that much.
Bramble: My brother is a non-otaku.
Valjean: What? Did I miss something? What’s an otaku?
Bramble: I’m sure there is an official dictionary term somewhere, but my meaning is ‘someone who is dangerously obsessed with something else’. It’s a Japanese word.
Valjean: Aaahhh…
Bramble: My brother has no sense of otaku and therefore no sense of fun in that area. *sigh* So he doesn’t like ‘Soldier A’ anymore.
Javert: I can see why.
Bramble: Oh, that’s right, you guys are non-otaku too. You have my deepest sympathies.
Enjolras: What if we don’t want your deepest sympathies?
Bramble: Then don’t take them! Yeesh!
Valjean: All right, calm down, captress…
Bramble: *exhales loudly* Fine. I’m calmed down--take your mitts offa’ me.
Valjean: My ‘mitts’, as you so indelicately put it, aren’t on you.
Bramble: Reflex, I suppose. Now…who is auditioning next?
Fantine: I haven’t gone yet.
Bramble: Let me get your song…just a second… ‘Holding Out For a Hero’--
Enjolras: Eponine already did that.
Bramble: Oh yeah. Um…how about ‘Let’s Hear It For the Boy’ from the ‘Footloose’ soundtrack?
Fantine: Sounds good to me.
My baby may not talk sweet
He ain’t got much to say
But he loves me loves me loves me
I know that he loves me anyway
And maybe he don’t dress fine
But I don’t really mind
‘Cause every time he pulls me near
I just wanna cheer:
Let’s hear it for the boy!
Ah, let’s give the boy a hand!
Let’s hear it for my baby
You know you gotta understand
Maybe he’s no Romeo
But he’s my lovin’ one-man show
Whoa, whoa whoa whoa
Let’s hear it for the boy!
Bramble: *has been doing the dance choreography for the song*
Enjolras: What in God’s name are you doing?
Bramble: *freezes* Uh…
Javert: There are children present, captress.
Bramble: What?? What’s that supposed to mean?
Javert: The dance is so corny that people shouldn’t be privy to its being performed.
Bramble: Don’t you dare attack this choreography! It’s my favorite dance, too!
Enjolras: …now that’s just sad.
Valjean: I believe that the captress is referring to the fact that she gets to wear jeans during this scene, instead of a dress. Correct?
Bramble: Precisely, Valjean. But I like the dance, too.
Javert: It’s still sad.
Bramble: Comments from the peanut gallery are not welcome, Javert.
Javert: Are they ever?
Bramble: NO.
Valjean: Instead of fighting, can we just go onto the next song?
Bramble: *counts on fingers* Just a second…so Javert, Enjolras, Les Amis, Fantine, Eponine, Cosette, Marius, and Valjean have all auditioned, right?
Combeferre: *checks notebook* Yes.
Bramble: Yay! Now, for roles…*consults papers*
Javert: If you make me a lead character--
Bramble: I don’t think you’d make a good lead in this--Gasp!
Valjean: Now you’ve given her ideas.
Bramble: Okay, so the cast (more or less in order) is:
Ren McCormick
Reverend Shaw Moore
Ethel McCormick
Vi Moore
Ariel Moore
Rusty
Willard Hewitt
Chuck Cranston
All the others are pretty much secondary characters, such as:
Wes Warnicker
Lulu Warnicker
Coach Dunbar
Eleanor Dunbar
Lyle
Biff
Garvin
Bickle
Jeeter
Wow, there’s a lot of people in this play…
Javert: You just noticed?
Bramble: Oh shush. So here we go: Javert, it’s a toss-up between you and Valjean for the role of Shaw.
Javert: Whoop-de-do.
Bramble: Don’t get all excited now…*gets out a coin* Call it.
Valjean: Heads.
Bramble: *flips coin* And heads it is.
Javert: *under his breath* Yes!
Bramble: Don’t get too excited--you now get to be Wes!
Javert: Dangit.
Bramble: Now for the role of Ren…Courfeyrac, you haven’t gotten a lead role at all.
Courfeyrac: Me?
Bramble: Yes, you.
Courfeyrac: Me? A mere extra? I get a role??
Bramble: If you can stop blathering, yes.
Courfeyrac: Woohoo!!
Valjean: You’ve created a monster…
Bramble: Yeah. Um, moving on: the role of Ariel goes to Eponine.
Eponine: I don’t wanna perform opposite him!! *points at Courfeyrac*
Bramble: Listen, you fit the role--just do it, okay?? And if it makes you feel better, Marius will be playing Chuck Cranston.
Mizzies: *throw a ‘what the heck’ look at Bramble*
Marius: You wanna run that by me again?
Bramble: You *points at Marius* play Chuck Cranston. The abusive boyfriend.
Marius: Um…why?
Bramble: Because I think the contrast between your real character and the character of Chuck would be hilarious.
Marius: Maybe to your demented brain it would.
Bramble: I’m going to ignore that little comment. Now let me see…Fantine, you can play Vi. And Cosette can play Ethel.
Cosette: Can’t I be Rusty?
Bramble: Ah, dangit! There’s too many female leads in this play!!
Valjean: Does that mean you’ll pick another production?
Bramble: Heck no! I will never be defeated! And anyway, I could always pick up one of the roles myself.
Javert: It’s bad enough that you have a self-insert story with us--there’s no need to act out your play fantasies at the same time.
Enjolras: …the way you put that just sounds wrong.
Bramble: I’m going to have to agree with Enjolras there. And I wouldn’t act out my play fantasies! Yeesh!
Javert: Considering that you were disappointed that you didn’t get the role you tried out for--
Bramble: But the girl who got it was GREAT. So I’m not complaining at all.
Javert: Suuuure.
Bramble: *glares at Javert* As I was SAYING--Cosette, you can go ahead at take Rusty.
Cosette: Yay.
Bramble: Which means that the role of Ethel goes to…*consults list; shudders*
Valjean: Dare we ask?
Bramble: It’s almost better if you don’t ask.
Combeferre: Just go ahead and get it over with.
Bramble: The only other female in Les Miserables that is a ‘lead’ is Mme. Thenardier.
Everyone: *shudder*
Courfeyrac: Hey, you forgot Musichetta!
Bramble: My goodness, you’re right! Musichetta, you can be Ethel.
Musichetta: *shrugs*
Bramble: Which brings up the question: who will play Willard? *consults list*
Guys: *cringe*
Bramble: Umm…how about…
Guys: *cringe harder*
Bramble: …Enjolras!
Enjolras: What?? No! I refuse!
Bramble: But it’s perfect--with your awkwardness around the opposite sex and all--
Enjolras: *stiffly* I am not ‘awkward’. I am completely unaffected by feminine wiles, thank you very much.
Bramble: …right. *writes down ‘awkward’ on list* You’re still stuck with the role.
Enjolras: *grumble*
Bramble: Is that all the lead roles?
Javert: YES.
Bramble: I wasn’t asking you! *looks at list* Okay, yes, that is everyone. Now for secondary roles. Javert, you’re already Wes, so now for Lulu.
Javert: My character is married? *under his breath* Good Lord…
Bramble: Yes. And you’d better get used to it. Now, to pull in a random secondary character from Les Mis--
Javert: If you put Mme. Thenardier in the role, I will never forgive you.
Bramble: Don’t worry, I’m not going to use her. How about…Chowder?
All: *blank stares*
Bramble: You know…the sleepy serving-girl from the Café Musain?
Joly: Yes, but the pressing question is…
Laigle: Why her??
Bramble: Because I’m getting kind of desperate, and she’s one of the only female characters that will work. Now for Coach Dunbar…I haven’t used any of the minor Amis yet, so how about--
Grantaire: I wan’ a role!!
Bramble: Grantaire. You’ve been surprisingly quiet.
Grantaire: *hiccup*
Bramble: Okay, you can have Coach Dunbar.
Grantaire: *hiccups and shakily salutes*
Bramble: That was easy enough. So Azelma, you can be Eleanor Dunbar, ‘kay
Azelma: *looks at Grantaire* Ugh.
Bramble: Don’t worry, it’s just for a few scenes. And that just leaves Lyle, Biff, Garvin, Bickle, and Jeeter. As it worked out, the remaining Amis fit, numerically speaking, perfectly!
Bahorel: In plain English, captress.
Bramble: *sigh* There’s enough people to fit the remaining roles perfectly—i.e., Bahorel as Biff, Laigle as Lyle, Feuilly as Jeeter, Joly as Garvin, Jehan as Bickle.
Bahorel: Thank you.
Bramble: But I have a feeling that I’m forgetting something…
Cosette: According to the script Rusty has two friends.
Bramble: Dangit!! Okay, I am totally out of female characters so I’m going to pull two Parisian women out (Paris Woman 1 and Paris Woman 2, respectively) and they can be Wendy Jo and Urleen. Does that work?
Enjolras: Yes! For goodness’ sake, just wrap it up already!
Bramble: Way ahead of you Enjy. To the stage!!!
*Onstage*
Bramble: So...this show starts off with a musical number!
All: *groan*
Bramble: Hey, don’t complain. I could be making you perform Oklahoma!, so shush!
All: *shut up*
Bramble: Thank you. Now, for the opening number…it’s called Footloose.
Javert: Surprise, surprise.
Bramble: *shoots a withering look* AND it’s very long. About 8 minutes long, to be precise.
Enjolras: Let’s just get started and get it over with, Captress.
Javert: It’s only taken you twenty pages to get us to this point.
Bramble: No, really? Well fine—if you guys are going to be that way…*gets out bullhorn* You can start NOW!
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Take me home!
Back to Writing
Review this chapter
Credits (if I don't know who wrote the song, I'll just put down the person who performed it)(songs are linked to a Youtube video, for the poor uninformed soul that might not have heard these songs)
'Race You To the Top of the Morning' (c) Marsha Norman and Lucy Simon http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mgzXxXEBkrA
'Falcon In The Dive' (c) Frank Wildhorn and Nan Knighton http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vbwNQc2qhJY
'When You Say You Love Me' (c) Josh Groban http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iYUT8Sqt6qM&feature=PlayList&p=5214A516C94A4254&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=9
'Holding Out For A Hero' (c) Bonnie Tyler http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7f_HsjpSVaI
'Across the Universe of Time (c) Hayley Westenra http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FMEpcf89qqk
'Chance' (c) Vic Mignogna (unfortunately all I could find was an anime vid, so I'd suggest just listening to the audio) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GwSKBQdQ2Sc
'February Song' (c) Josh Groban http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sm7rDB2keio
'Soldier A' (c) Vic Mignogna (WATCH THIS VIDEO!! IT IS HILAROUS!!) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5TA-QJ2d3kk
Amis: *cold glare*
Bramble: What?
Javert: You haven’t waited even two days, and you’re ready for another play?
Bramble: Yup! You got that right, bucko!
Valjean: We haven’t gotten tired of Egyptian Rat Screw yet…
Javert: *tosses cards down* I have.
Valjean: That’s because you keep losing.
Javert: That doesn’t even merit an answer.
Bramble: Well…aside from that, aren’t you guys even curious about what you’re supposed to perform?
Enjolras: Not really, no.
Javert: It’s just going to be another stupid play. After a while they all just blur together.
Bramble: …that hurts, Javvie.
Javert: *gives a ‘not my problem’ gesture*
Valjean: Well, you won’t be happy unless you tell us.
Bramble: *dramatically* You guys…are going to be performing---
Enjolras: *picks up a stack of papers and says loudly* ‘Footloose’? Isn’t that the musical you just got done performing?
Bramble: Shut up, Fearless Leader!!
Enjolras: Suppression of the people is a criminal offense, captress!
Bramble: This isn’t even remotely related to suppression of the people! You have your facts messed up, mister!
Enjolras: You don’t know the meaning of having facts messed up--
Bramble: *loudly* As Enjolras ever so subtly pointed out, we are performing Footloose next. Now, if you guys would take these scripts and pass them around we can get this over with a minimum of fuss or bodily harm.
Enjolras: That last bit was meant for me, I take it.
Bramble: How perceptive you are, Enjy. Now sit down and shut up.
Javert: Aren’t you going to tell us our roles?
Bramble: Hmm…maybe I should make you guys audition this time around…
All: NOO!!
Bramble: But why not? It would be great! All of you guys, pitting your experience and such against each other--
Javert: You’re out of your mind.
Valjean: You just noticed?
Bramble: Ouch, Valjean--I didn’t think you were capable of such biting remarks.
Valjean: It’s from hanging around him. *points at Javert*
Bramble: That would certainly do it…anyway. Back to this audition thing--
Javert: Does it really matter? You probably already have a list of who is going to play who, so what would auditions do?
Enjolras: Finally, one of us is being the voice of reason.
Bramble: I’m going to ignore you guys. Pick a song and audition with it--that’s my final decree.
All: *grumble grumble*
Bramble: Hey, I could be making you guys perform Oklahoma!, so stop whining!
All: *shudder*
*Some time later*
Bramble: So, who’s first?
Javert: *grumble* I suppose I will be the first victim.
Bramble: Good. Whatcha got?
Javert: First of all, how long do we have to sing?
Bramble: *straight-faced* The whole song.
Combeferre: I seem to recall reading that 16 bars of a song is the norm for auditions.
Javert: Thank you.
Bramble: *under her breath* Dangit!
Javert: There, out in the darkness
A fugitive running
Bramble: Wait, wait, wait!! You’re auditioning with YOUR song??
Javert: Naturally.
Bramble: Wait a second…Enjolras, what are you auditioning with?
Enjolras: ‘Do You Hear the People Sing’.
Bramble: Valjean?
Valjean: ‘Who Am I’.
Bramble: I thought so--guys! That’s cheating!
Combeferre: I beg to differ.
Bramble: Leave your legalities out of this, ‘Ferre! *to everyone* You all need to get different songs. It’s cheating to use the songs that you know inside out, backwards, forwards, and upside-down.
Valjean: It WOULD be a nice change of scenery…
Bramble: That it would. And, just so I’m completely unbiased in this, I’m going to randomly pick a song from my iTunes library for each of you to audition with.
Marius: This could get scary…
Bramble: Obviously, if I accidentally pick a girl’s song for a guy or vice-versa we can try again, but otherwise you’re stuck with what you get. And I solemnly refuse to record every snarky line you guys say, because I nearly type my fingers off just doing the normal songs. *grins evilly* Javert, you’re first.
Javert: Oh, dear Lord…
Bramble: And the song is: ‘Race You To The Top of the Morning’ from ‘The Secret Garden’!
Valjean: Ah, it could be worse.
Javert: So you think.
Bramble: I’m waiting…
Javert: Oh, fine.
Let’s see now.
When we left off last night, the hideous dragon had carried off the maid to his cave by moonlight. He gnashed his teeth, breathed his fire--the heath quaked and trembled in fear. I said:
Someone must save this sweet raven-haired maiden
Or surely the cost will be steep
So we lads all drew lots
Hog insides tied in knots
And I won, and the rest went to sleep.
So I picked up my staff
And I followed the trail
Of the smoke to the mouth of the cave
And I bid him come out
“Hey, forsooth!” I did shout
“Evil dragon, begone!
Or behave!”
And then under my breath
I uttered a charm
Said to make the worst fiend become blind
“Knaves and knights of dire plights
Now diminish his sights!”
And it worked
And the dragon went blind!
And he charged off the cliff
Howling mad, and he died
And the maiden accepted my ring
And then you came along
And were brave, bold, and strong
And in thanks every night now I sing
Race you to the top of the morning
Come sit on my shoulders and laugh
Run and hide, I’ll come and find you
Climb hills to remind you:
I love you, my boy, at my side
Is that satisfactory?
Bramble: *had been squeeing quietly in her seat* Yes, that’s great!
Javert: Yeah, yeah…
Bramble: *regains control* Right. Now…Enjolras! Your song is ‘Falcon in the Dive’ from ‘The Scarlet Pimpernel’. You should enjoy that one, seeing as how a revolutionary sort of character sings it.
Enjolras: Whoop-de-flippin-do.
Hunt for this man!
Comb the city
Every street, every grate!
You put a guard at every gate--drag him out
Shout the moment that you find him
Damn!
Knock in the doors
Lock up the city
Track him down through this town
And be quick about it--now!
How the devil can I ever prevail
When I’m only a man?
I can never be duped
By that scurrilous phantom again!
I wasn’t born to walk on water
I wasn’t born to sack and slaughter
But on my soul, I wasn’t born
To stoop, to scorn, and knuckle under
A man can learn to steal some thunder
A man can learn to work some wonder
But when the gauntlet’s down, it’s time
To rise and climb the sky
And soon the moon will smoulder
And the winds will drive
Yes, a man grows older
But his soul remains alive
All those tremulous stars still glitter
I will survive
Let my heart grow colder
And as bitter as a falcon in the dive
There. Happy?
Bramble: Yesh! You have no idea how much!
Enjolras: *mutters* Fangirls…
Bramble: Hey, fangirls are people too! Now…Combeferre? Let’s see what you can do.
Combeferre: If you insist.
Bramble: Your song is ‘When You Say You Love Me’, originally performed by Josh Grogan.
Combeferre: Very well.
Like the sound of silence calling
I hear your voice and suddenly
I’m falling
Lost in a dream
Like the echoes of our souls unwheeling
You say those words, my heart stops beating
I wonder what it means
What could it be?
That comes over me
At times I can’t move
At times I can hardly breathe
Bramble: Um…maybe that wasn’t the greatest song…it seems just a little high for your voice.
Combeferre: Duly noted, captress.
Bramble: Oh well, it still counts. Next we have--
Eponine: Me next!
Bramble: Okeydokey. Wow--it just occurred to me that this is the first time you’ve spoken in this story. Huh.
Eponine: Yeah, I don’t have as much to say, it seems.
Bramble: Let me see…your song is ‘Holding Out For a Hero’, originally performed by Bonnie Tyler.
Eponine: I’m game.
Where have all the good men gone
And where are all the gods?
Where’s a street-wise Hercule
To fight the rising odds?
Isn’t there a white knight
Upon a fiery steed
Late at night I toss and I turn
And I dream of what I need
I need a hero
I’m holding out for a hero at the end of the night
He’s gotta be strong
And he’s gotta be fast
And he’s gotta be fresh from the fight
I need a hero
I’m holding out for a hero ‘til the morning light
He’s gotta be sure
And it’s gotta be soon
And he’s gotta be larger than life
Larger than life
Bramble: Okay, you’re in.
Eponine: Yay.
Bramble: Um…Cosette, how about you go next?
Cosette: All right.
Bramble: And your song is ‘Across the Universe of Time’ by Hayley Westenra.
Cosette: Such a pretty song.
When the sea falls from the shore
When the light sinks low
Will I see you anymore?
When the rain falls from the sky
Can I bring you back
From a distant lullaby?
Show me your vision
The story begun
Two lights are rising
And burning as one
In the deep blue of the night
Shine the millions of stars
And my spirit burning bright
Spinning long, into the sun
Flying higher
Now my journey’s begun
And the cold, cold wind
It blows me away
The feeling all over
Is a black, black day
And I know that I’ll see you again
And I know that you’re near me
Bramble: Man, I like that song. Cosette, you’re definitely in.
Cosette: *just smiles*
Bramble: Who wants to be next? *looks around* Anybody? Okay, Valjean.
Valjean: *sighs but comes forward*
Bramble: Your song is…’Chance’ by Vic Mignogna! You lucky guy!
Valjean: Yay.
Seems I’ve been waiting forever
Looking for you so long
Loving my life was a gamble
I’ve been playing my cards all wrong
Now I know there’s another
Made it here before me
But he’s not all you hope for
Maybe you’ll soon be free
I tried to show you my open heart
Show you what true love could be
But while we talked of a brand new start
He kept you away from me
Now am I never gonna get a chance?
Am I never gonna have a prayer?
Will I never see the moment I’ve held so tight
Of waking in the night and finding you there?
Will I never get to show you the way I feel
And know you feel it too
Am I never gonna get my chance with you?
Bramble: *squees* I love that song! Gah!
Valjean: So I’ve noticed…
Javert: I think you’re taking this Vic Mignogna obsession a bit far…
Bramble: Blasphemy!
Javert: Case in point…
Bramble: *loftily* You can never take a Vic Mignogna obsession too far.
Valjean: Some might disagree with that.
Bramble: *composes self* Now. Who do we have next? Marius?
Marius: Eh?
Bramble: C’mon, you’re next.
Marius: Oh dear.
Bramble: Don’t be such a worry-wart. Now, your song is ‘February Song’ by Josh Groban.
Marius: That’s the second Josh Groban song so far…
Bramble: I have several of his CD s. Give me a break and be thankful that no one has had to sing a Japanese song yet. *evil grin*
Marius: Er…I’m going to just take your word on that.
Where has that old friend gone?
Lost in a February song
Tell him it won’t be long
Before he opens his eyes
Opens his eyes
Where is that simple day?
Before colors broke into shade
How did I ever fade
Into this life
Into this life
And I never want to let you down
Forgive me if I slip away
All that I know is lost and found
I promise you I
I’ll come back to you one day
Bramble: That’s good, thank you…
Marius: You’re welcome.
Bramble: I really shouldn’t have made Combeferre sing by himself…if all of the Amis would come forward please.
Amis: *comply*
Bramble: I’m just going to have you guys sing as a group. Today is your lucky day, because you get to sing: ‘Soldier A’ by Vic Mignogna!
*a military drumbeat starts up*
Amis: Soldier A
Soldier A
The unsung hero of anime
Hip hooray for Soldier A
He only has one line but saves the day
He’s called upon to grunt or yell or scream
*the Amis punctuate nearly every line with a dramatic grunt, yell, or scream*
Even if his mouth is never seen
Through the fray
With ne’er to say
He’ll lead the way
He’s Soldier A
*horns are added to the drum*
Courfeyrac: I’m Soldier A
Amis: He’s Soldier A
Courfeyrac: Never Soldier B
Amis: Never Soldier B
Courfeyrac: They tell me if I’m good
I’ll be Bystander 3
Amis: They tell him if he’s good
He’ll be Bystander 3
Courfeyrac: I have the folly every volume need
All: But I’ll never be mistaken for a lead
Joly: No way!
All: Soldier A
Soldier A
Feuilly: It’s Soldier A!
All: The unsung hero of anime
Hip-hooray for Soldier A
He only has one line but saves the day
A monster or a mecha or a guy
Doesn’t matter which, I’m gonna die
Never know what role I’ll play
But for today I’m Soldier A!
Bahorel: Today I threw a fit
All: Today he threw a fit
Bahorel: ‘Cause I didn’t get the bit
Part I wanted to do
Instead of Fanboy 1
I was Sex Offender 2
Courfeyrac: Instead of Fanboy 1
He was Sex Offender 2
(Ooh, that’s nice)
Bahorel: The engineer is changing at the scenes
All: Changing at the scenes
Bahorel: To find the one where I’m beside the bomb
When it explodes!
All: Soldier A
Soldier A
The unsung hero of anime
Hip-hooray for Soldier A
He only has one line but saves the day
He’s courageous, brave, and dangerously strong
But he won’t be around for very long
‘Cause his platoon gets blown away
Oh let us pray for Soldier A!
Laigle: Tracks are getting dense
All: Ooh getting dense
Laigle: The wall is intense
All: So intense
Laigle: The director says it’s time
For my dying to commence
Combeferre: *through a bullhorn* Now it’s time to die
With pain and suffering
You’ll do proudly
Laigle: My death rattle simply was sublime
But the engineer blew it, so I’ll have to do it
All: ONE MORE TIME!
Soldier A
Soldier A
The unsung hero of anime
Hip-hooray for Soldier A
He only has one line but saves the day
He’s called upon to grunt or yell or scream
Even if his mouth is never seen
Through the fray
He’ll lead the way
So let us pray for
Will he ever say more
Hip hip hooray for Soldier A!
Bramble: *leaps to her feet clapping loudly* Author! Encore! Bravissimo!
Javert: You’re taking this a bit far…
Bramble: Nonsense! It’s a great song!
Javert: Your brother doesn’t seem to like it that much.
Bramble: My brother is a non-otaku.
Valjean: What? Did I miss something? What’s an otaku?
Bramble: I’m sure there is an official dictionary term somewhere, but my meaning is ‘someone who is dangerously obsessed with something else’. It’s a Japanese word.
Valjean: Aaahhh…
Bramble: My brother has no sense of otaku and therefore no sense of fun in that area. *sigh* So he doesn’t like ‘Soldier A’ anymore.
Javert: I can see why.
Bramble: Oh, that’s right, you guys are non-otaku too. You have my deepest sympathies.
Enjolras: What if we don’t want your deepest sympathies?
Bramble: Then don’t take them! Yeesh!
Valjean: All right, calm down, captress…
Bramble: *exhales loudly* Fine. I’m calmed down--take your mitts offa’ me.
Valjean: My ‘mitts’, as you so indelicately put it, aren’t on you.
Bramble: Reflex, I suppose. Now…who is auditioning next?
Fantine: I haven’t gone yet.
Bramble: Let me get your song…just a second… ‘Holding Out For a Hero’--
Enjolras: Eponine already did that.
Bramble: Oh yeah. Um…how about ‘Let’s Hear It For the Boy’ from the ‘Footloose’ soundtrack?
Fantine: Sounds good to me.
My baby may not talk sweet
He ain’t got much to say
But he loves me loves me loves me
I know that he loves me anyway
And maybe he don’t dress fine
But I don’t really mind
‘Cause every time he pulls me near
I just wanna cheer:
Let’s hear it for the boy!
Ah, let’s give the boy a hand!
Let’s hear it for my baby
You know you gotta understand
Maybe he’s no Romeo
But he’s my lovin’ one-man show
Whoa, whoa whoa whoa
Let’s hear it for the boy!
Bramble: *has been doing the dance choreography for the song*
Enjolras: What in God’s name are you doing?
Bramble: *freezes* Uh…
Javert: There are children present, captress.
Bramble: What?? What’s that supposed to mean?
Javert: The dance is so corny that people shouldn’t be privy to its being performed.
Bramble: Don’t you dare attack this choreography! It’s my favorite dance, too!
Enjolras: …now that’s just sad.
Valjean: I believe that the captress is referring to the fact that she gets to wear jeans during this scene, instead of a dress. Correct?
Bramble: Precisely, Valjean. But I like the dance, too.
Javert: It’s still sad.
Bramble: Comments from the peanut gallery are not welcome, Javert.
Javert: Are they ever?
Bramble: NO.
Valjean: Instead of fighting, can we just go onto the next song?
Bramble: *counts on fingers* Just a second…so Javert, Enjolras, Les Amis, Fantine, Eponine, Cosette, Marius, and Valjean have all auditioned, right?
Combeferre: *checks notebook* Yes.
Bramble: Yay! Now, for roles…*consults papers*
Javert: If you make me a lead character--
Bramble: I don’t think you’d make a good lead in this--Gasp!
Valjean: Now you’ve given her ideas.
Bramble: Okay, so the cast (more or less in order) is:
Ren McCormick
Reverend Shaw Moore
Ethel McCormick
Vi Moore
Ariel Moore
Rusty
Willard Hewitt
Chuck Cranston
All the others are pretty much secondary characters, such as:
Wes Warnicker
Lulu Warnicker
Coach Dunbar
Eleanor Dunbar
Lyle
Biff
Garvin
Bickle
Jeeter
Wow, there’s a lot of people in this play…
Javert: You just noticed?
Bramble: Oh shush. So here we go: Javert, it’s a toss-up between you and Valjean for the role of Shaw.
Javert: Whoop-de-do.
Bramble: Don’t get all excited now…*gets out a coin* Call it.
Valjean: Heads.
Bramble: *flips coin* And heads it is.
Javert: *under his breath* Yes!
Bramble: Don’t get too excited--you now get to be Wes!
Javert: Dangit.
Bramble: Now for the role of Ren…Courfeyrac, you haven’t gotten a lead role at all.
Courfeyrac: Me?
Bramble: Yes, you.
Courfeyrac: Me? A mere extra? I get a role??
Bramble: If you can stop blathering, yes.
Courfeyrac: Woohoo!!
Valjean: You’ve created a monster…
Bramble: Yeah. Um, moving on: the role of Ariel goes to Eponine.
Eponine: I don’t wanna perform opposite him!! *points at Courfeyrac*
Bramble: Listen, you fit the role--just do it, okay?? And if it makes you feel better, Marius will be playing Chuck Cranston.
Mizzies: *throw a ‘what the heck’ look at Bramble*
Marius: You wanna run that by me again?
Bramble: You *points at Marius* play Chuck Cranston. The abusive boyfriend.
Marius: Um…why?
Bramble: Because I think the contrast between your real character and the character of Chuck would be hilarious.
Marius: Maybe to your demented brain it would.
Bramble: I’m going to ignore that little comment. Now let me see…Fantine, you can play Vi. And Cosette can play Ethel.
Cosette: Can’t I be Rusty?
Bramble: Ah, dangit! There’s too many female leads in this play!!
Valjean: Does that mean you’ll pick another production?
Bramble: Heck no! I will never be defeated! And anyway, I could always pick up one of the roles myself.
Javert: It’s bad enough that you have a self-insert story with us--there’s no need to act out your play fantasies at the same time.
Enjolras: …the way you put that just sounds wrong.
Bramble: I’m going to have to agree with Enjolras there. And I wouldn’t act out my play fantasies! Yeesh!
Javert: Considering that you were disappointed that you didn’t get the role you tried out for--
Bramble: But the girl who got it was GREAT. So I’m not complaining at all.
Javert: Suuuure.
Bramble: *glares at Javert* As I was SAYING--Cosette, you can go ahead at take Rusty.
Cosette: Yay.
Bramble: Which means that the role of Ethel goes to…*consults list; shudders*
Valjean: Dare we ask?
Bramble: It’s almost better if you don’t ask.
Combeferre: Just go ahead and get it over with.
Bramble: The only other female in Les Miserables that is a ‘lead’ is Mme. Thenardier.
Everyone: *shudder*
Courfeyrac: Hey, you forgot Musichetta!
Bramble: My goodness, you’re right! Musichetta, you can be Ethel.
Musichetta: *shrugs*
Bramble: Which brings up the question: who will play Willard? *consults list*
Guys: *cringe*
Bramble: Umm…how about…
Guys: *cringe harder*
Bramble: …Enjolras!
Enjolras: What?? No! I refuse!
Bramble: But it’s perfect--with your awkwardness around the opposite sex and all--
Enjolras: *stiffly* I am not ‘awkward’. I am completely unaffected by feminine wiles, thank you very much.
Bramble: …right. *writes down ‘awkward’ on list* You’re still stuck with the role.
Enjolras: *grumble*
Bramble: Is that all the lead roles?
Javert: YES.
Bramble: I wasn’t asking you! *looks at list* Okay, yes, that is everyone. Now for secondary roles. Javert, you’re already Wes, so now for Lulu.
Javert: My character is married? *under his breath* Good Lord…
Bramble: Yes. And you’d better get used to it. Now, to pull in a random secondary character from Les Mis--
Javert: If you put Mme. Thenardier in the role, I will never forgive you.
Bramble: Don’t worry, I’m not going to use her. How about…Chowder?
All: *blank stares*
Bramble: You know…the sleepy serving-girl from the Café Musain?
Joly: Yes, but the pressing question is…
Laigle: Why her??
Bramble: Because I’m getting kind of desperate, and she’s one of the only female characters that will work. Now for Coach Dunbar…I haven’t used any of the minor Amis yet, so how about--
Grantaire: I wan’ a role!!
Bramble: Grantaire. You’ve been surprisingly quiet.
Grantaire: *hiccup*
Bramble: Okay, you can have Coach Dunbar.
Grantaire: *hiccups and shakily salutes*
Bramble: That was easy enough. So Azelma, you can be Eleanor Dunbar, ‘kay
Azelma: *looks at Grantaire* Ugh.
Bramble: Don’t worry, it’s just for a few scenes. And that just leaves Lyle, Biff, Garvin, Bickle, and Jeeter. As it worked out, the remaining Amis fit, numerically speaking, perfectly!
Bahorel: In plain English, captress.
Bramble: *sigh* There’s enough people to fit the remaining roles perfectly—i.e., Bahorel as Biff, Laigle as Lyle, Feuilly as Jeeter, Joly as Garvin, Jehan as Bickle.
Bahorel: Thank you.
Bramble: But I have a feeling that I’m forgetting something…
Cosette: According to the script Rusty has two friends.
Bramble: Dangit!! Okay, I am totally out of female characters so I’m going to pull two Parisian women out (Paris Woman 1 and Paris Woman 2, respectively) and they can be Wendy Jo and Urleen. Does that work?
Enjolras: Yes! For goodness’ sake, just wrap it up already!
Bramble: Way ahead of you Enjy. To the stage!!!
*Onstage*
Bramble: So...this show starts off with a musical number!
All: *groan*
Bramble: Hey, don’t complain. I could be making you perform Oklahoma!, so shush!
All: *shut up*
Bramble: Thank you. Now, for the opening number…it’s called Footloose.
Javert: Surprise, surprise.
Bramble: *shoots a withering look* AND it’s very long. About 8 minutes long, to be precise.
Enjolras: Let’s just get started and get it over with, Captress.
Javert: It’s only taken you twenty pages to get us to this point.
Bramble: No, really? Well fine—if you guys are going to be that way…*gets out bullhorn* You can start NOW!
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Take me home!
Back to Writing
Review this chapter
Credits (if I don't know who wrote the song, I'll just put down the person who performed it)(songs are linked to a Youtube video, for the poor uninformed soul that might not have heard these songs)
'Race You To the Top of the Morning' (c) Marsha Norman and Lucy Simon http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mgzXxXEBkrA
'Falcon In The Dive' (c) Frank Wildhorn and Nan Knighton http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vbwNQc2qhJY
'When You Say You Love Me' (c) Josh Groban http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iYUT8Sqt6qM&feature=PlayList&p=5214A516C94A4254&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=9
'Holding Out For A Hero' (c) Bonnie Tyler http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7f_HsjpSVaI
'Across the Universe of Time (c) Hayley Westenra http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FMEpcf89qqk
'Chance' (c) Vic Mignogna (unfortunately all I could find was an anime vid, so I'd suggest just listening to the audio) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GwSKBQdQ2Sc
'February Song' (c) Josh Groban http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sm7rDB2keio
'Soldier A' (c) Vic Mignogna (WATCH THIS VIDEO!! IT IS HILAROUS!!) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5TA-QJ2d3kk