Les Miserables Performs Jekyll and Hyde (Pt. 3)
*Audience murmurs and settles down as the lights dim. Suddenly a resounding crash comes from the doors and plaster dust billows over the crowd*
Temeraire: *cough* Sorry, everyone--
Bramble: *flips mike on* What did I say about hurting people??
Laurence: *from next to Temeraire* Nobody’s hurt!
Bramble: Oh. Um…then clean that mess up. *to audience* And now, without any further distractions, the play. *trots backstage*
Ensemble: If you live around here
You need cash in the bank Doesn’t everyone need money to live?
'Cause the houses 'round here
Are all flashy and swank What does that even mean, anyway?
An' the front bit
Is what's called a façade! Pray tell
If you live around here
You need lots of panache! Another word that we don’t know
If you live in town, dear
Then you must cut a dash! Makes you wonder how you cut a dash
'Tisn't hard, dear
To create a façade! Just take some wood, and nails, and--
Here tonight it's festive - Ooh! Pretty lights!
But the guests are getting restive - Give ‘em more hors d’eurves, that’ll shut ‘em up
'Cause the guest of honour's
Causing a dilemma! Gives the party more excitement!
Doctor Jekyll’s tardy Oh no!
For his own engagement party - Double oh no!
To sir Danvers' daughter, Emma! Nice name
Temeraire: *whispering to Laurence* Why are they adding to the lyrics?
Laurence: I have no idea.
Chauvelin: I heard it was the casts’ demand to be able to make snide or irrelevant remarks just to annoy the captress.
Chauvelin: Who knows? They may be my fellow Frenchmen, but that doesn’t mean I understand them.
Temeraire: But we’re fighting France. Why are we watching Frenchmen in a play if we’re against them?
Chauvelin: *suddenly looks nervous to see a dragon weighing several tons next to him* Is that so? Um…excuse me…*escapes into the crowd*
Temeraire: Excitable fellow, I guess. *settles down to watch*
*strings play in a waltz as the characters pour onstage in a party-like atmosphere*
Valjean: My dear Simon But I thought you were Courfeyrac?
You're so gracious Yes, your manners aren’t lacking at all
To wish Emma and Henry both well! Oh, that is nice of you.
Courfeyrac: Dear Sir Danvers I AM Courfeyrac, but my character is Simon Stride. Woo hoo.
As you know, Sir Do you know??
I wish Emma the sun and the moon But I can’t promise it
But I have to confess See, I haven’t seen a priest in years and you’re the next best thing
That I wish Henry Jekyll in hell! Ouch, that’s mean!
Javert: Henry! At last Not that I’ve been waiting for you or anything
What could possibly be more important than your own engagement party? I can think of lots of things offhand
Marius: John, I am close to a breakthrough discovery! I am?
Something spectacular, something sublime! It must be good
Finally, a light in the darkness has come to me! Especially since I’m so excited about it
Now it is only a matter of time! How enigmatic
Jehan: Henry Jekyll, you're a devil! …is that a compliment?
You have robbed us of London's most lovely girl! Ah, you can keep her. I’ll take flowers any day.
Feuilly: I could turn to drink when I stop to think That’s Grantaire’s job
Emma’s marrying a doctor instead of an earl! And…that’s a bad thing?
Poor girl! At least she’ll never have to worry if she gets sick
Courfeyrac: Doctor Jekyll, may I be the first
To wish you and your bride-to-be
Peace and prosperity? Too late, I already have
Marius: Mr. Stride, it's most civil of you to say that, as you do,
With such patent sincerity! Yes, I can tell, you’re very sincere
Bramble: All righty then…Courfey, you get to confront Cosette and bully her for not wanting to marry you. ‘Kay?
Bramble: Shaddup and go act! *shoves him onstage*
Courfeyrac: Emma Carew,
Can this be you? Who else would it be? Donald Duck?
What kind of man
Is this you've taken? I’ve been his roommate for months, I’d know
Can you not see I can see just fine
The kind of life
That this would be?
You are mistaken! He has suicidal impulses when he’s depressed
Time to awaken,
Before it's too late, Come back! Come away from the dark side, Luke!
Before you forever
Determine your fate! Forever’s a long time…
Cosette: But, Simon, you knew Do you?
I had to be free Yeah! I wanted to become a suffragette!
What I choose to do
Is decided by me! Take that, Dad!
From the day my mother died Don’t remind me…
My father full of good intentions Is he ever NOT full of good intentions?
Treated me as though I were a young child! Which is why I grew up very naïve and sheltered…
Maybe his idea was just to wait until I grew up I’m grown-up now
And then look at me
And hope that I'd be her. Aw, how sweet…
It's easy to accept that from a father Strangely enough
He'd rather things remained the way they were This is sounding very familiar
But when it comes to marriage
I must pick whom I prefer! That’s kind of taken for granted…
I am not the weak young thing you're seeking, Simon I would certainly hope not!
Someone seventeen, obedient and sweet But doesn’t that describe me?
I am not the protégé to waste your time on …no comment
I'm complete - So you think!
In Henry's eyes I see
What I am meant to be! *lets out a dreamy sigh*
Bramble: All righty then…so Marius, you go over and start being all emo with Cosette, ‘kay?
Enjolras: That should be an easy role.
Marius: Now that’s just mean.
Bramble: Boys, no fighting. Marius, just do the part. Please?? *Bambi-eyes*
Marius: I must go on If only to keep the captress from doing those--what do you call them-- ‘Bambi eyes’? *shudders*
With the work I'm committed to - It’s always good to finish a job that one starts. *nods sagely*
How can I not You tell me.
When my theories are true? Well, that would be a bad time to stop.
And I will prove Easier said than done
If I'm ever permitted to See?
Things are not wrong
Just because they are new! Well, I don’t know about that…
Cosette: Henry, I adore you! I know that I’m changing the subject, but it’s so true! *sighs*
Always have done, always will do--
And your dreams are mine!
Bramble: This really is her character through and through…yeesh. Don’t make me transcribe her mooniness! PLEASE!! *throws self on Combeferre*
Combeferre: Unhand me, captress--
Bramble: NEVER!! Let me off the hook or else!
Combeferre: *looks around helplessly*
Javert: I personally wouldn’t do what she says, but that’s just me--
Bramble: Stop introducing insurrection, Javert! *to ‘Ferre* It won’t behoove you to have this sappiness recorded, will it?? And it burns my ears to hear it, much less write it down!
Cosette: I will always understand Always, dear
However hard the path you've planned I’ll be faithful
Our lives will intertwine... We’ll always be together!
Crowd: *are shifting and looking at each other in confusion as Bramble’s voice rises above the music*
Bramble: DON’T MAKE ME DO IT!!! I’M BEGGING YOUUUUUU!!!!
Combeferre: FINE! FINE! YOU DON’T HAVE TO!!
Heroes in the crowd: *are beginning to have their ‘rescue’ mode kicked on*
Bramble: HOW DO I KNOW YOU MEAN IT???
Marius *oblivious*: Who knows where my work will lead me? To the ends of the earth and back?
Cosette *also oblivious*: Nowhere where you will not need me! Our souls are the same--inexplicably linked!
Marius: Emma, please I beg you, heed me! Gosh, this song sounds familiar
Cosette: Just don't leave me on my own! There’s nothing more horrible than loneliness
Marius: The only thing I fear is the unknown! It’s terribly scary, you know?
*rush of heroes*
Percival Blakeney *bringing up the rear*: La, I’m sure that the captress can handle herself--no need to get your knickers tied in a knot. Odd’s fish, but this is a touchy crowd!
Bramble: *hauls ‘Ferre out in a headlock* PROMISE!! PROMISE, YOU BOOKWORM!
‘Ferre: I promise! I promise!
Heroes: *pause in confusion*
Cosette: When this all began Back in the Luxembourg, do you remember?
We knew there'd be a price to pay! Oh, those were the days
Too late now to turn away - Springtime in the air
We have come too far! Birds singing in the trees
I know we'll find a way... And it won’t involve London
Say, why did the audience leave?
Bramble: *looks up at the assembled audience* Oh. Um, hi?
Combeferre: *strangled gurgling*
Percival Blakeney: *peeks over crowd* I say, is violence really necessary? Demmed uncomfortable business, what?
William Laurence: Um…are you all right, miss?
Bramble: Y-e-e-esss…I am perfectly fine. The one you should be worried about is Bright Eyes here. *pokes ‘Ferre in the cheek*
Javert *peers out from backstage*: Unethical handling of your actors isn’t in your best interest, captress.
Bramble: Ah, he’ll live. But why are you guys up here?
Heroes: *shuffle and look a mite embarrassed*
Blakeney: Methinks that, hearing your incessant bellerin’, they though you were experiencing a fate worse than death and were coming to save you.
Chauvelin: *unseen* Bunch of sentimental idiots--
Laurence: *sarcastically* Well, pardon us for attending to our consciences. But you wouldn’t have one, would you?
Chauvelin: *still unseen* Ouch, touché.
Bramble: *releases ‘Ferre* The thought was nice, fellows, but I wasn’t being hurt.
Valjean: In case you hadn’t noticed, she’s a little melodramatic.
Heroes: *shuffle offstage*
Cosette and Marius: *looking confused* What was up with that?
Bramble: Nothing! *tries to push ‘Ferre back behind the backstage curtain with a foot*
Javert: You need a hobby, captress…
Bramble: You guys ARE my hobby!
Valjean: Hoo boy…
Javert: You might want to rephrase that sentence. I could arrest you for untoward harassment.
Bramble: Not like that! My gosh, talk about touchy--
Javert: Just covering all my bases. *crosses arms*
Grantaire: *stumbles out from backstage* Well, it looksh to me like your play is in shamblesh, captresh. We want a break!
Amis: *run out onstage cheering*
Grantaire: No butsh!
Audience: *look around in confusion*
Grantaire: You heard me! Time for a shelebration--*trips over Combeferre*
Bramble: This’ll be on your head and your head alone, winecask!
Grantaire: *mumbles around stage floor*
Tavington: I thought we were here to watch a play, not witness complete and total chaos!
Bramble: Talk to the Amis. It’s in their contract.
Combeferre: *pops to his feet* Did someone say ‘contract’?
Bramble: Ugh…*clutches head*
Combeferre: *pounces on Tavington* Seewetoldthecaptressthatwewantedthepermissiontomakefunofherendeavorandsowewroteupacontractsothatwewouldhaverulestogobyandblahblahblahblah
Javert: That was a bad move.
Valjean: *peers out at the by-now-thoroughly-confused audience* Should we let them go?
Enjolras: *to crowd via microphone* We’re taking a break!
Chauvelin: But it isn’t intermission yet!
Enjolras: Who cares? And now--*swings big red flag* Who will join in our crusade? Will you be strong and stand with me--
Blakeney: Sink me, he’s off on a revolutionary rampage. Silly fellow.
Bramble: *pulls microphone plug* Shut up, you extremist! Go have your revolution somewhere else!
Enjolras: *rampages offstage, still swinging flag and yelling*
Bramble: Much as I hate to do so, I’m going to have to leave…
Blakeney: Dear me, don’t let us keep you. We can handle any barroom brawls that occur. *plucks at lace in sleeve*
Bramble: …I’m going to ignore that comment now…*stumbles backstage mumbling about aspirin*
Javert: Finally, she’s gone.
Valjean: Let the chaos begin…
Blakeney: What chaos? La, if things get any more exciting I’m sure we’ll all just drop dead from heart attacks.
Javert: There goes the first one.
Valjean: I don’t think so...
To be continued...
Take me home!
Chapter 4 >>
<< Chapter 2
Review this chapter