Les Miserables
performs
Footloose (Pt. 3)
Cosette: Careful what you do especially when it comes to aggravating the captress
Someone's on to you *nods*
Careful what you do Amen!
PW 1: Careful what you say
PW 2: Cuz you're on display Do we get a shadow-box for our display?
Every night and every day With lighting and everything?
Cosette: Somebody's hiding in the great unknown Dramatica!
PW 1 and 2: Uh-huh Yup yup
Cosette: And every time you think that you're alone What? What?
Somebody's eyes are watching Ooh, creepy!
PW 1: Somebody's eyes are seeing you come and go It has the potential to be creepy, anyway
PW 2: Somebody's out there, waiting for the show What, other than the show we’re putting on? Ingrates!
Cosette, PW 1 & 2: You've got no disguise I’m sure we could find something backstage
From somebody's eyes
Courfeyrac: Thanks for the warning, but you don’t know me. But I’m sure that we could remedy that… *grins*
Cosette: You don’t know Bomont! You’re disgusting!
Cosette, PW 1 & 2, Chorus: Somebody, somebody, somebody, somebody's eyes
Whoa-oh Who is this somebody they speak of?
Somebody, somebody, somebody, somebody's eyes
Whoa-oh Who are ‘they’, for that matter? The writers are too vague!
PW 1: Careful how you speak Watch your tongue, young man!
Turn the other cheek How pacifist
Be careful how you speak *nodnod*
PW 2: Think a naughty thought I’m sure you’re no stranger to naughty thoughts, Courfeyrac!
And if you get caught You probably wouldn’t care
Well, then, boy, you've bought a lot of trouble You got that right!
Cosette: Somewhere there's someone with a perfect view There is?
PW 1 & 2: Yoo-hoo *wave*
Cosette: And they're just dyin' for a little peek-a-boo Ooh, I see
Cosette, PW 1 & 2: Boo! Now scream and run away like a little girl!
Somebody's eyes are watching How scary
Somebody's eyes will never close, never sleep Would that describe Javert, perchance?
Somebody's after the secrets that you keep Yup, that’s Javert all right
Who's got alibis Gee, I dunno
From somebody's eyes?
Somebody, somebody, somebody, somebody's eyes whoa-oh
Somebody, somebody, somebody, somebody's eyes whoa-oh
Javert: Do I HAVE to play this ‘Wes’ character?
Bramble: Yes! You have no choice!
Javert: You like that phrase, don’t you.
Bramble: Yes, it shows a sense of power and—hey! Stop distracting me and get out there!
Javert: *with mock humility* Yes, Sahib… *goes onstage muttering*
Javert: Do you know how hard it was for me to get you that job at the hardware store? It’s not even a month and you get fired! I’m surprised you had the job that long, to be honest
Chowder: Every day it’s more bad news with you. Every day! *yawn*
Musichetta: Lulu, don’t exaggerate.
Javert: Ethel, now hush. You’re not helping things. Was my line just then ‘hush’? *snorts derisively*
Musichetta: Ren, what did happen? Yes, I’ll be all understanding here
Courfeyrac: Well, Willard came into the store and needed change for a dollar. So I popped open the register, and when Mr. Willingham came in, he saw my hand in the drawer, and he went crazy! He accused me of stealing. Jumping to conclusions much? Enjolras, why didn’t your character defend me?
Enjolras: Because that scene isn’t covered.
Courfeyrac: …good point.
Chowder: That’s because everything you do makes people suspicious! *yawn* I wanna go take a nap…
Javert: Are you on drugs? That’s a bit unexpected
Courfeyrac: No! But why don’t you frisk me? I’m sure you’ve already searched my entire room! I’d expect you to do that, Javert
Musichetta: Ren, apologize to your uncle! Javert…your uncle? *snorts in a very unladylike manner*
Javert: Look, young man, I know I’m not your father— Oh, you bet I KNOW for fact I’m not your father
Courfeyrac: You can say that again! Ditto
Javert: *slaps Courfeyrac, who runs offstage* That’ll teach you to talk back, whelp!
Musichetta: Wes! Wes is kind of a wimpy name compared to Javert
Javert: Ethel, don’t say anything! Yes, I think so too
Chowder: Pumpkin, hush, please! *yawn*
Musichetta: Wes, I know that we are guests in your home— We are?
Javert: Ethel! Right now, just don’t say a thing! Shaddup and siddown, as the captress would say
Bramble: I had that whole scene memorized from standing behind it…
Enjolras: Oh great, now she’s reminiscing.
Bramble: And one of the girls next to me had to make a slapping noise, because we weren’t supposed to actually slap a person that hard onstage, and one night people gasped and I almost burst out laughing...
Courfeyrac: Does she have an off-switch??
Javert: The only one I’ve found is a good whack across the back of the head.
Bramble: *snaps out of it* Don’t you dare! I’ve been hit on the head too much this year anyway!
Valjean: I assume that you’re not referring to people hitting you?
Bramble: …no…I fell off of the horse twice…
Javert: Did it hurt when you did that?
Bramble: Well, yeah--
Javert: Then don’t do that!
Bramble: I should have seen that coming from a mile away…
Javert: Yes. You should have.
Bramble: But, that little comment about Javert being Courfeyrac’s uncle has got the fanfic wheels turning.
Javert: Quick! Induce amnesia! *picks up nightstick*
Bramble: *jumps behind a curtain* Did I say that I was going to write anything?? Did I??
Javert: Bringing up the idea is enough! *brandishes nightstick threateningly*
Bramble: *makes to flee* Help me, someone!
Enjolras: This is just getting interesting!
Combeferre: Inspector, may I remind you that we are not allowed to harm the captress?
Javert: *pauses* Who made up that idiotic rule?
Combeferre: We drafted it as an amendment to the constitution for The People (that is, us here in captivity) during a meeting. You, as I recall, were playing cards in the background.
Javert: You got off easy this time, Captress.
Bramble: Yeesh, I thought you were really coming after me…
Javert: Yeah, well, it’s only a matter of time.
Courfeyrac: Um…can we finish this song?
Bramble: Yes. Sorry, I just got distracted.
Enjolras: So we noticed…
PW 1: Never laugh too loud It’s too annoying
Never leave a crowd Power in numbers, so I’ve heard
PW 2: Never dress risqué Unless you want to be mistaken as a lady of the night
There'll be hell to pay See what I mean?
Cosette: If you've ever had anything to hide Do people hide things? *puzzled look*
Think twice before you step outside Thinking twice takes too long
PW 1 & 2: Step outside Hurrah for echoes
Cosette, PW 1 & 2: Somebody's eyes are watching Ooh, scary
Somebody's eyes are following every move Sounds like a TV audience
Somebody's waiting to show they don't approve Yup, definately a TV audience
PW 1: Nothing satisfies Greedy, are we?
Cosette, PW 1: Somebody's eyes
PW 2: Ain't no alibis Ain't ain't a word and I ain't gonna say it anymore
PW 1 & 2: In somebody's eyes I can see the retina, the iris, the pupil...
Cosette: You've got no disguise This IS a theater, right? I'm sure we could find something
From somebody's eyes *yawn* Been here, done that...
Chorus: Somebody, somebody, somebody, somebody's eyes
Whoa-oh Yay, repetition
Somebody, somebody, somebody, somebody's eyes
Whoa-oh
Cosette, PW 1 & 2: Whoa-oh… Echo...
Bramble: Phew, we got through that... *flops onto a random couch*
Courfeyrac: Break?
Bramble: Oh FINE. Go have your break. I'm going to sit here for a minute and--
All: *vanish*
Bramble: --crochet. *pulls out latest crocheting project* Ah, peace and quiet...
*A crash in the distance*
Bramble: *sigh* Or not.
Jehan: *peers in* Um...captress...
Bramble: *counting stitches* Five, six, seven...what?
Jehan: Um...there's a stack of costumes back here, and Gavroche was practicing lassoing things, and--
Bramble: Don't tell me, he pulled the whole thing over?
Jehan: Actually, it fell onto some props, and they fell onto Enjolras.
Bramble: *mutters* Nine, ten...let me finish this row, 'kay?
Jehan: *to someone in the other room* I don't think she's going to come...
*indistinct muttering; cut to the back room*
Courfeyrac: You know, Enjolras, you're looking surprisingly dignified for being crushed under a stack of props.
Enjolras: *nonplussed* Thanks.
Marius: M. Valjean, didn't you once lift a cart off of someone...?
Valjean: Yes, but--the man was being crushed to death!
Enjolras: And I'm not??
Valjean: In my defense, you aren't screaming about your ribs and how you're being crushed. So no, I don't think you are. But I will help.
Courfeyrac: Terribly good of you, Valjean!
Javert: *looking on* It's deja-vu all over again...
Valjean: Yeah, yeah... *lifts stuff off of Enjolras*
Enjolras: *squirms out* Thanks, old man.
Valjean: Don't mention it.
Courfeyrac: I'm hungry!
Javert: Then stop being petulant and fix something to eat.
Courfeyrac: Fine, I will! I'm a perfectly capable bachelor!
Marius: *cough/laugh*
Courfeyrac: *glare* No comments from the peanut gallery! *stalks off towards the kitchen*
Marius: I didn't say anything.
Javert: Didn't have to.
Eponine: *ferreting through costumes* What is THIS ugly thing?
Cosette: *joins her* Goodness knows...ugh, this is terrible! Who found these clothes??
Combeferre: They're costumes, ladies. Not to be worn outside a theater.
Cosette: I should certainly hope not!
Javert: *sarcastically* Not that this isn't fun, but I'm going to see what's in the rest of this theater--or wherever we are.
Enjolras: *perks up* An expedition?
Javert: ...something like that...
Enjolras: Come on, men! Onward!
Amis: *mill around in confusion before stampeding after Enjolras*
Javert: *waves dust away* More than one way to get rid of a pack of revolutionaries. *sets off in the opposite direction*
Courfeyrac: *comes out of kitchen* What was that noise—oh. *sees Cosette and Eponine and grins* Hello, ladies…
Eponine: *glare*
Courfeyrac: Um…I’m just going to go back this way… *retreats into kitchen*
**MEANWHILE**
Javert: *meanders back onstage*
Bramble: Ah, Javvie!
Javert: Oh, not you again.
Bramble: Shut up. I need to ask you something.
Javert: *sarcastically* Anything, O Captress.
Bramble: I’m going to ignore you, ‘kay? What’s everyone doing back there?
Javert: Acting like complete and total idiots.
Bramble: The Amis ran through here, going on about some sort of expedition…
Javert: *snorts* Ah, yes. They are exploring the theater.
Bramble: Oh. *glances up at Javert* Hold that pose, please. *whips out sketchbook*
Javert: …you have got to be joking.
Bramble: I haven’t drawn you hardly at all lately, so don’t complain. And hold still.
Javert: *longsuffering sigh*
Bramble: I’ll play Egyptian Rat Screw with you if you hold still…
Javert: An imbecilic game, that.
Bramble: It is not!
Javert: I beg to differ. I’ll hold still if you WON’T play Egyptian Rat Screw. With anyone.
Bramble: Oh fine. Yeesh kapeesh…*resumes sketching*
Courfeyrac: *enters carrying a plate* Ahh, nommage.
Bramble: *not looking up* Whatcha eating, Courfey?
Courfeyrac: Pie. *takes a bite*
Bramble: *freezes* …pie?
Courfeyrac: Yup. It was baked and everything.
Bramble: The pie in the kitchen?
Courfeyrac: Yes, the pie in the kitchen.
Bramble: …that was spoken for.
Courfeyrac: By whom?
Bramble: It was going to go to a bake sale. Someone bought it already.
Courfeyrac: So?
Bramble: *facepalm* So you shouldn’t have started eating it!!
Courfeyrac: I’ll just reimburse you.
Bramble: I don’t think that’ll cut it.
Courfeyrac: Money won’t cut it because I already did! *laughs*
Bramble: Bad pun. BAAAAD pun.
Courfeyrac: I thought it was pretty good…
Javert: Are you finished, captress?
Bramble: No! *resumes sketching*
Javert: *rolls eyes*
Bramble: *talks while drawing* Courfeyrac, you have to make a pie to replace the on that you ate.
Courfeyrac: Aw, man!
Bramble: Get your friends to help you!
Javert: *coughs*
Bramble: Surely they have some knowledge of cooking.
Javert: Captress--
Bramble: Go round ‘em up! Go go go!
Courfeyrac: *wanders off grumbling*
Javert: Captress--
Bramble: What??
Javert: This is Les Amis de l’Abaisse you’re talking about. Between the nine of them they can run a mockery of a revolution, but I severely doubt that they can bake a pie without some sort of major explosion.
Bramble: …I should keep an eye on them?
Javert: If you want to preserve your kitchen and more delicate senses, yes.
Bramble: *sighs and gets up* What I do for these guys…
Javert: It’s a wonder.
Bramble: I’m just going to take your word on it. Don’t move too far, because I’m going to finish that sketch when I’m done.
Javert: Do you see me moving?
Bramble: *exits*
Javert: *waits a moment, then picks up sketchbook* Ugh, and she calls herself an artist… *starts drawing*
**Meanwhile, among the guy-wires*
Enjolras: Courfeyrac did what??
Combeferre: He cut into a pie that was spoken for at a bake sale. If I have my facts straight, he now has to make a replacement pie and we are to help him do so.
Bahorel: Well THAT was stupid.
Combeferre: The cutting into the pie or the making of a replacement?
Bahorel: I mean letting the captress know that he had cut into the pie in the first place--
Courfeyrac: Ahem. I AM standing right here listening to you talking, you know.
Combeferre: Duly noted, Courfeyrac. Now, first--
Bramble: *unseen* LES AMIS! GET YOUR PATOOTIES DOWN HERE RIGHT NOW!!!
Jehan: *shudder* Does she know that we’re up among the guy-wires?
Enjolras: I don’t think so.
Courfeyrac: Shh! Here she comes!
Bramble: *walks around underneath them* Don’t think that I can’t hear you!
Joly: *makes a sneeze-suppressing face*
Enjolras: *mouths* Don’t you DARE…
Joly: *holds back sneeze successfully*
Bramble: *listens*
*Crickets*
Joly: *sniff*
Bramble: *looks up and grins* Hi, guys.
Enjolras: Joly!
Joly: I’m sorry! I couldn’t hold it back!
Enjolras: Yeah, sure…
Bramble: C’mon guys, we have a job to do.
Combeferre: So we have been informed.
Bramble: Time’s a wasting! Get on down here!
Les Amis: *reluctantly start working their way down*
**Sometime later**
Bramble: Right. So, what kind of pie did you cut into, Courfey?
Courfeyrac: Blackberry. I think. Or maybe black raspberry. Or maybe strawberry with purple dye--
Bramble: …so you don’t know. Hmm. *consults fridge* Here, we have strawberries galore so we can use those.
Combeferre: Strawberry pie?
Bramble: It’s good!
Enjolras: Says you.
Bramble: It is! *tosses a bag of frozen strawberries at Enjolras* Go put those in some water so they start to thaw. Courfeyrac, a cookbook if you please. Combeferre… *continues rattling off*
Bahorel: Is SHE a tyrant…
Enjolras: I think that we already noticed.
Bramble: Insidious talk is not allowed here! The kitchen is MY domain!
Courfeyrac: Along with the barn, and the theater, and your room…
Bramble: All right, so my domain gets bigger as we go. Big whoop. Where’s my cookbook??
Courfeyrac: Here, captress…
Bramble: Thank you. Now, the first thing we need…
**Sometime later**
Enjolras: I’m not sure that that’s how a pie is supposed to look.
Bramble: Don’t be so picky.
Courfeyrac: He’s got a point, captress…it doesn’t look anything like the picture.
Bramble: It’s got that home-made touch, that’s all.
Amis: *look incredulously down at their creation*
Jehan: Sure. Right. Home-made touch.
Bramble: Now it just needs to bake for an hour. *turns on oven*
Combeferre: This is probably not the right thing to ask, but what about the kitchen?
Bramble: *looks at rest of kitchen: someone has dumped several pounds of flour on the floor and fallen in it, bits of dough are stuck to the ceiling fan, nearly every dish in the cupboard is now strewn across the counter, the sink is full, and unidentified spices are dribbling out of a cupboard* That, my dear Amis, is our next task. *rolls up sleeves*
Joly: *sneezes* I think I’m allergic to flour…
Courfeyrac: I have to go use the bathroom!
Jehan: My flowers need watering!
All three: Be right back!
Bramble: Stop right there! *would-be deserters freeze and slink back* You made this mess (or at least helped), now you help clean it up! Man, I just sounded like my mom there…
Javert: *opens door and pauses* Good Lord, what happened?
Bramble: Ah, good to see you, Javvie. I can draw you while our intrepid pie-makers clean up the kitchen.
Javert: I see…
Bramble: Make sure they keep working. *toddles off to find sketchbook*
Enjolras: Inspector! Give us a hand!
Javert: *raises eyebrow* Not my fault or problem.
Courfeyrac: Have you no heart, Javert?
Javert: No, none that I can find. Any heart that I had vanished when someone tied me to a post and threatened to blow my brains out for being a spy.
Combeferre: Now Inspector, that’s hardly basis for not assisting us.
Javert: *shoots a Look at Combeferre* And may I point out that you ‘Amis’ are the ones who made this debacle of a kitchen. Therefore, I am not under any obligation to ‘assist’ you.
Courfeyrac: Argh! The logic of it all! *clutches head melodramatically*
Bramble: *opens door* Javert…my sketchbook…
Javert: *all innocence* Yes?
Bramble: You never said that you could draw!
Javert: Minimally, dear captress.
Bramble: …I’ll admit that…but still, you drew in my sketchbook…
Javert: *to Amis* This is the point where she melts into a puddle of fangirling goo.
Amis: *watch expectantly*
Bramble: *melts*
Javert: See?
Amis: *applaud politely*
Bramble: *recovers* Ahem. Les Amis, why aren’t you cleaning?? Javert, hold still. *perches on a bit of counter that isn’t occupied by dishes*
Les Amis: *reluctantly resume their cleaning*
**More time later**
Bramble: *holds up sketchbook* Not too bad, if I say so myself.
Javert: *looks critically at drawing* I beg to differ.
Bramble: You wouldn’t know good art if it smacked you in the face! *swings sketchbook at his face*
Javert: *dodges* Ah, ah, assault on a police officer…
Bramble: *smacks his arm instead* Hah. I am vindicated.
Javert: Glad to hear it…
Bramble: Amis! Are you done?
Enjolras: Yes, finally…
Bramble: *looks over spotless kitchen* Very nice, very nice. Now, it’s time for the resuming of our play!
Amis: *groan*
Bramble: Come on, we just took over an hour for a break!
Enjolras: But thanks to Courfeyrac’s stomach, we spent it making a pie. That’s hardly a satisfactory spending of a break.
Bramble: And your excuses are terrible. *strikes dramatic pose* To the stage!
Amis: *reluctantly make their way out*
Bramble: Oh wait, pie. Right. *opens oven* Ahh, that smells so good…
Javert: *peers into oven* It looks a bit--
Bramble: Unique? Home-made?
Javert: --deformed.
Bramble: *bristles* That’s your opinion! *pulls out pie* Dangit, the juice cooked over…
Javert: Nice.
Bramble: It’ll have to do. *sets pie down to cool* And now, onward!
<<Part 2
Part 4>>
Review this chapter
Take me home!
Someone's on to you *nods*
Careful what you do Amen!
PW 1: Careful what you say
PW 2: Cuz you're on display Do we get a shadow-box for our display?
Every night and every day With lighting and everything?
Cosette: Somebody's hiding in the great unknown Dramatica!
PW 1 and 2: Uh-huh Yup yup
Cosette: And every time you think that you're alone What? What?
Somebody's eyes are watching Ooh, creepy!
PW 1: Somebody's eyes are seeing you come and go It has the potential to be creepy, anyway
PW 2: Somebody's out there, waiting for the show What, other than the show we’re putting on? Ingrates!
Cosette, PW 1 & 2: You've got no disguise I’m sure we could find something backstage
From somebody's eyes
Courfeyrac: Thanks for the warning, but you don’t know me. But I’m sure that we could remedy that… *grins*
Cosette: You don’t know Bomont! You’re disgusting!
Cosette, PW 1 & 2, Chorus: Somebody, somebody, somebody, somebody's eyes
Whoa-oh Who is this somebody they speak of?
Somebody, somebody, somebody, somebody's eyes
Whoa-oh Who are ‘they’, for that matter? The writers are too vague!
PW 1: Careful how you speak Watch your tongue, young man!
Turn the other cheek How pacifist
Be careful how you speak *nodnod*
PW 2: Think a naughty thought I’m sure you’re no stranger to naughty thoughts, Courfeyrac!
And if you get caught You probably wouldn’t care
Well, then, boy, you've bought a lot of trouble You got that right!
Cosette: Somewhere there's someone with a perfect view There is?
PW 1 & 2: Yoo-hoo *wave*
Cosette: And they're just dyin' for a little peek-a-boo Ooh, I see
Cosette, PW 1 & 2: Boo! Now scream and run away like a little girl!
Somebody's eyes are watching How scary
Somebody's eyes will never close, never sleep Would that describe Javert, perchance?
Somebody's after the secrets that you keep Yup, that’s Javert all right
Who's got alibis Gee, I dunno
From somebody's eyes?
Somebody, somebody, somebody, somebody's eyes whoa-oh
Somebody, somebody, somebody, somebody's eyes whoa-oh
Javert: Do I HAVE to play this ‘Wes’ character?
Bramble: Yes! You have no choice!
Javert: You like that phrase, don’t you.
Bramble: Yes, it shows a sense of power and—hey! Stop distracting me and get out there!
Javert: *with mock humility* Yes, Sahib… *goes onstage muttering*
Javert: Do you know how hard it was for me to get you that job at the hardware store? It’s not even a month and you get fired! I’m surprised you had the job that long, to be honest
Chowder: Every day it’s more bad news with you. Every day! *yawn*
Musichetta: Lulu, don’t exaggerate.
Javert: Ethel, now hush. You’re not helping things. Was my line just then ‘hush’? *snorts derisively*
Musichetta: Ren, what did happen? Yes, I’ll be all understanding here
Courfeyrac: Well, Willard came into the store and needed change for a dollar. So I popped open the register, and when Mr. Willingham came in, he saw my hand in the drawer, and he went crazy! He accused me of stealing. Jumping to conclusions much? Enjolras, why didn’t your character defend me?
Enjolras: Because that scene isn’t covered.
Courfeyrac: …good point.
Chowder: That’s because everything you do makes people suspicious! *yawn* I wanna go take a nap…
Javert: Are you on drugs? That’s a bit unexpected
Courfeyrac: No! But why don’t you frisk me? I’m sure you’ve already searched my entire room! I’d expect you to do that, Javert
Musichetta: Ren, apologize to your uncle! Javert…your uncle? *snorts in a very unladylike manner*
Javert: Look, young man, I know I’m not your father— Oh, you bet I KNOW for fact I’m not your father
Courfeyrac: You can say that again! Ditto
Javert: *slaps Courfeyrac, who runs offstage* That’ll teach you to talk back, whelp!
Musichetta: Wes! Wes is kind of a wimpy name compared to Javert
Javert: Ethel, don’t say anything! Yes, I think so too
Chowder: Pumpkin, hush, please! *yawn*
Musichetta: Wes, I know that we are guests in your home— We are?
Javert: Ethel! Right now, just don’t say a thing! Shaddup and siddown, as the captress would say
Bramble: I had that whole scene memorized from standing behind it…
Enjolras: Oh great, now she’s reminiscing.
Bramble: And one of the girls next to me had to make a slapping noise, because we weren’t supposed to actually slap a person that hard onstage, and one night people gasped and I almost burst out laughing...
Courfeyrac: Does she have an off-switch??
Javert: The only one I’ve found is a good whack across the back of the head.
Bramble: *snaps out of it* Don’t you dare! I’ve been hit on the head too much this year anyway!
Valjean: I assume that you’re not referring to people hitting you?
Bramble: …no…I fell off of the horse twice…
Javert: Did it hurt when you did that?
Bramble: Well, yeah--
Javert: Then don’t do that!
Bramble: I should have seen that coming from a mile away…
Javert: Yes. You should have.
Bramble: But, that little comment about Javert being Courfeyrac’s uncle has got the fanfic wheels turning.
Javert: Quick! Induce amnesia! *picks up nightstick*
Bramble: *jumps behind a curtain* Did I say that I was going to write anything?? Did I??
Javert: Bringing up the idea is enough! *brandishes nightstick threateningly*
Bramble: *makes to flee* Help me, someone!
Enjolras: This is just getting interesting!
Combeferre: Inspector, may I remind you that we are not allowed to harm the captress?
Javert: *pauses* Who made up that idiotic rule?
Combeferre: We drafted it as an amendment to the constitution for The People (that is, us here in captivity) during a meeting. You, as I recall, were playing cards in the background.
Javert: You got off easy this time, Captress.
Bramble: Yeesh, I thought you were really coming after me…
Javert: Yeah, well, it’s only a matter of time.
Courfeyrac: Um…can we finish this song?
Bramble: Yes. Sorry, I just got distracted.
Enjolras: So we noticed…
PW 1: Never laugh too loud It’s too annoying
Never leave a crowd Power in numbers, so I’ve heard
PW 2: Never dress risqué Unless you want to be mistaken as a lady of the night
There'll be hell to pay See what I mean?
Cosette: If you've ever had anything to hide Do people hide things? *puzzled look*
Think twice before you step outside Thinking twice takes too long
PW 1 & 2: Step outside Hurrah for echoes
Cosette, PW 1 & 2: Somebody's eyes are watching Ooh, scary
Somebody's eyes are following every move Sounds like a TV audience
Somebody's waiting to show they don't approve Yup, definately a TV audience
PW 1: Nothing satisfies Greedy, are we?
Cosette, PW 1: Somebody's eyes
PW 2: Ain't no alibis Ain't ain't a word and I ain't gonna say it anymore
PW 1 & 2: In somebody's eyes I can see the retina, the iris, the pupil...
Cosette: You've got no disguise This IS a theater, right? I'm sure we could find something
From somebody's eyes *yawn* Been here, done that...
Chorus: Somebody, somebody, somebody, somebody's eyes
Whoa-oh Yay, repetition
Somebody, somebody, somebody, somebody's eyes
Whoa-oh
Cosette, PW 1 & 2: Whoa-oh… Echo...
Bramble: Phew, we got through that... *flops onto a random couch*
Courfeyrac: Break?
Bramble: Oh FINE. Go have your break. I'm going to sit here for a minute and--
All: *vanish*
Bramble: --crochet. *pulls out latest crocheting project* Ah, peace and quiet...
*A crash in the distance*
Bramble: *sigh* Or not.
Jehan: *peers in* Um...captress...
Bramble: *counting stitches* Five, six, seven...what?
Jehan: Um...there's a stack of costumes back here, and Gavroche was practicing lassoing things, and--
Bramble: Don't tell me, he pulled the whole thing over?
Jehan: Actually, it fell onto some props, and they fell onto Enjolras.
Bramble: *mutters* Nine, ten...let me finish this row, 'kay?
Jehan: *to someone in the other room* I don't think she's going to come...
*indistinct muttering; cut to the back room*
Courfeyrac: You know, Enjolras, you're looking surprisingly dignified for being crushed under a stack of props.
Enjolras: *nonplussed* Thanks.
Marius: M. Valjean, didn't you once lift a cart off of someone...?
Valjean: Yes, but--the man was being crushed to death!
Enjolras: And I'm not??
Valjean: In my defense, you aren't screaming about your ribs and how you're being crushed. So no, I don't think you are. But I will help.
Courfeyrac: Terribly good of you, Valjean!
Javert: *looking on* It's deja-vu all over again...
Valjean: Yeah, yeah... *lifts stuff off of Enjolras*
Enjolras: *squirms out* Thanks, old man.
Valjean: Don't mention it.
Courfeyrac: I'm hungry!
Javert: Then stop being petulant and fix something to eat.
Courfeyrac: Fine, I will! I'm a perfectly capable bachelor!
Marius: *cough/laugh*
Courfeyrac: *glare* No comments from the peanut gallery! *stalks off towards the kitchen*
Marius: I didn't say anything.
Javert: Didn't have to.
Eponine: *ferreting through costumes* What is THIS ugly thing?
Cosette: *joins her* Goodness knows...ugh, this is terrible! Who found these clothes??
Combeferre: They're costumes, ladies. Not to be worn outside a theater.
Cosette: I should certainly hope not!
Javert: *sarcastically* Not that this isn't fun, but I'm going to see what's in the rest of this theater--or wherever we are.
Enjolras: *perks up* An expedition?
Javert: ...something like that...
Enjolras: Come on, men! Onward!
Amis: *mill around in confusion before stampeding after Enjolras*
Javert: *waves dust away* More than one way to get rid of a pack of revolutionaries. *sets off in the opposite direction*
Courfeyrac: *comes out of kitchen* What was that noise—oh. *sees Cosette and Eponine and grins* Hello, ladies…
Eponine: *glare*
Courfeyrac: Um…I’m just going to go back this way… *retreats into kitchen*
**MEANWHILE**
Javert: *meanders back onstage*
Bramble: Ah, Javvie!
Javert: Oh, not you again.
Bramble: Shut up. I need to ask you something.
Javert: *sarcastically* Anything, O Captress.
Bramble: I’m going to ignore you, ‘kay? What’s everyone doing back there?
Javert: Acting like complete and total idiots.
Bramble: The Amis ran through here, going on about some sort of expedition…
Javert: *snorts* Ah, yes. They are exploring the theater.
Bramble: Oh. *glances up at Javert* Hold that pose, please. *whips out sketchbook*
Javert: …you have got to be joking.
Bramble: I haven’t drawn you hardly at all lately, so don’t complain. And hold still.
Javert: *longsuffering sigh*
Bramble: I’ll play Egyptian Rat Screw with you if you hold still…
Javert: An imbecilic game, that.
Bramble: It is not!
Javert: I beg to differ. I’ll hold still if you WON’T play Egyptian Rat Screw. With anyone.
Bramble: Oh fine. Yeesh kapeesh…*resumes sketching*
Courfeyrac: *enters carrying a plate* Ahh, nommage.
Bramble: *not looking up* Whatcha eating, Courfey?
Courfeyrac: Pie. *takes a bite*
Bramble: *freezes* …pie?
Courfeyrac: Yup. It was baked and everything.
Bramble: The pie in the kitchen?
Courfeyrac: Yes, the pie in the kitchen.
Bramble: …that was spoken for.
Courfeyrac: By whom?
Bramble: It was going to go to a bake sale. Someone bought it already.
Courfeyrac: So?
Bramble: *facepalm* So you shouldn’t have started eating it!!
Courfeyrac: I’ll just reimburse you.
Bramble: I don’t think that’ll cut it.
Courfeyrac: Money won’t cut it because I already did! *laughs*
Bramble: Bad pun. BAAAAD pun.
Courfeyrac: I thought it was pretty good…
Javert: Are you finished, captress?
Bramble: No! *resumes sketching*
Javert: *rolls eyes*
Bramble: *talks while drawing* Courfeyrac, you have to make a pie to replace the on that you ate.
Courfeyrac: Aw, man!
Bramble: Get your friends to help you!
Javert: *coughs*
Bramble: Surely they have some knowledge of cooking.
Javert: Captress--
Bramble: Go round ‘em up! Go go go!
Courfeyrac: *wanders off grumbling*
Javert: Captress--
Bramble: What??
Javert: This is Les Amis de l’Abaisse you’re talking about. Between the nine of them they can run a mockery of a revolution, but I severely doubt that they can bake a pie without some sort of major explosion.
Bramble: …I should keep an eye on them?
Javert: If you want to preserve your kitchen and more delicate senses, yes.
Bramble: *sighs and gets up* What I do for these guys…
Javert: It’s a wonder.
Bramble: I’m just going to take your word on it. Don’t move too far, because I’m going to finish that sketch when I’m done.
Javert: Do you see me moving?
Bramble: *exits*
Javert: *waits a moment, then picks up sketchbook* Ugh, and she calls herself an artist… *starts drawing*
**Meanwhile, among the guy-wires*
Enjolras: Courfeyrac did what??
Combeferre: He cut into a pie that was spoken for at a bake sale. If I have my facts straight, he now has to make a replacement pie and we are to help him do so.
Bahorel: Well THAT was stupid.
Combeferre: The cutting into the pie or the making of a replacement?
Bahorel: I mean letting the captress know that he had cut into the pie in the first place--
Courfeyrac: Ahem. I AM standing right here listening to you talking, you know.
Combeferre: Duly noted, Courfeyrac. Now, first--
Bramble: *unseen* LES AMIS! GET YOUR PATOOTIES DOWN HERE RIGHT NOW!!!
Jehan: *shudder* Does she know that we’re up among the guy-wires?
Enjolras: I don’t think so.
Courfeyrac: Shh! Here she comes!
Bramble: *walks around underneath them* Don’t think that I can’t hear you!
Joly: *makes a sneeze-suppressing face*
Enjolras: *mouths* Don’t you DARE…
Joly: *holds back sneeze successfully*
Bramble: *listens*
*Crickets*
Joly: *sniff*
Bramble: *looks up and grins* Hi, guys.
Enjolras: Joly!
Joly: I’m sorry! I couldn’t hold it back!
Enjolras: Yeah, sure…
Bramble: C’mon guys, we have a job to do.
Combeferre: So we have been informed.
Bramble: Time’s a wasting! Get on down here!
Les Amis: *reluctantly start working their way down*
**Sometime later**
Bramble: Right. So, what kind of pie did you cut into, Courfey?
Courfeyrac: Blackberry. I think. Or maybe black raspberry. Or maybe strawberry with purple dye--
Bramble: …so you don’t know. Hmm. *consults fridge* Here, we have strawberries galore so we can use those.
Combeferre: Strawberry pie?
Bramble: It’s good!
Enjolras: Says you.
Bramble: It is! *tosses a bag of frozen strawberries at Enjolras* Go put those in some water so they start to thaw. Courfeyrac, a cookbook if you please. Combeferre… *continues rattling off*
Bahorel: Is SHE a tyrant…
Enjolras: I think that we already noticed.
Bramble: Insidious talk is not allowed here! The kitchen is MY domain!
Courfeyrac: Along with the barn, and the theater, and your room…
Bramble: All right, so my domain gets bigger as we go. Big whoop. Where’s my cookbook??
Courfeyrac: Here, captress…
Bramble: Thank you. Now, the first thing we need…
**Sometime later**
Enjolras: I’m not sure that that’s how a pie is supposed to look.
Bramble: Don’t be so picky.
Courfeyrac: He’s got a point, captress…it doesn’t look anything like the picture.
Bramble: It’s got that home-made touch, that’s all.
Amis: *look incredulously down at their creation*
Jehan: Sure. Right. Home-made touch.
Bramble: Now it just needs to bake for an hour. *turns on oven*
Combeferre: This is probably not the right thing to ask, but what about the kitchen?
Bramble: *looks at rest of kitchen: someone has dumped several pounds of flour on the floor and fallen in it, bits of dough are stuck to the ceiling fan, nearly every dish in the cupboard is now strewn across the counter, the sink is full, and unidentified spices are dribbling out of a cupboard* That, my dear Amis, is our next task. *rolls up sleeves*
Joly: *sneezes* I think I’m allergic to flour…
Courfeyrac: I have to go use the bathroom!
Jehan: My flowers need watering!
All three: Be right back!
Bramble: Stop right there! *would-be deserters freeze and slink back* You made this mess (or at least helped), now you help clean it up! Man, I just sounded like my mom there…
Javert: *opens door and pauses* Good Lord, what happened?
Bramble: Ah, good to see you, Javvie. I can draw you while our intrepid pie-makers clean up the kitchen.
Javert: I see…
Bramble: Make sure they keep working. *toddles off to find sketchbook*
Enjolras: Inspector! Give us a hand!
Javert: *raises eyebrow* Not my fault or problem.
Courfeyrac: Have you no heart, Javert?
Javert: No, none that I can find. Any heart that I had vanished when someone tied me to a post and threatened to blow my brains out for being a spy.
Combeferre: Now Inspector, that’s hardly basis for not assisting us.
Javert: *shoots a Look at Combeferre* And may I point out that you ‘Amis’ are the ones who made this debacle of a kitchen. Therefore, I am not under any obligation to ‘assist’ you.
Courfeyrac: Argh! The logic of it all! *clutches head melodramatically*
Bramble: *opens door* Javert…my sketchbook…
Javert: *all innocence* Yes?
Bramble: You never said that you could draw!
Javert: Minimally, dear captress.
Bramble: …I’ll admit that…but still, you drew in my sketchbook…
Javert: *to Amis* This is the point where she melts into a puddle of fangirling goo.
Amis: *watch expectantly*
Bramble: *melts*
Javert: See?
Amis: *applaud politely*
Bramble: *recovers* Ahem. Les Amis, why aren’t you cleaning?? Javert, hold still. *perches on a bit of counter that isn’t occupied by dishes*
Les Amis: *reluctantly resume their cleaning*
**More time later**
Bramble: *holds up sketchbook* Not too bad, if I say so myself.
Javert: *looks critically at drawing* I beg to differ.
Bramble: You wouldn’t know good art if it smacked you in the face! *swings sketchbook at his face*
Javert: *dodges* Ah, ah, assault on a police officer…
Bramble: *smacks his arm instead* Hah. I am vindicated.
Javert: Glad to hear it…
Bramble: Amis! Are you done?
Enjolras: Yes, finally…
Bramble: *looks over spotless kitchen* Very nice, very nice. Now, it’s time for the resuming of our play!
Amis: *groan*
Bramble: Come on, we just took over an hour for a break!
Enjolras: But thanks to Courfeyrac’s stomach, we spent it making a pie. That’s hardly a satisfactory spending of a break.
Bramble: And your excuses are terrible. *strikes dramatic pose* To the stage!
Amis: *reluctantly make their way out*
Bramble: Oh wait, pie. Right. *opens oven* Ahh, that smells so good…
Javert: *peers into oven* It looks a bit--
Bramble: Unique? Home-made?
Javert: --deformed.
Bramble: *bristles* That’s your opinion! *pulls out pie* Dangit, the juice cooked over…
Javert: Nice.
Bramble: It’ll have to do. *sets pie down to cool* And now, onward!
<<Part 2
Part 4>>
Review this chapter
Take me home!