--Plain White T's, 'Hate (I Really Don't Like You)'
Will showed me that video last night, not realizing the possible application/resemblance to the current saga... >.<
The thing is, I have never truly hated someone. There are people that I dislike, personally, but hate is a totally different ball game that I haven't been inclined to test. At this point I regret how things went down, and there's a sometimes-fleeting-sometimes-clinging 'I miss you'. But I don't hate or dislike M.
I was thinking last night about how I almost wished that I didn't have to work at the gym, so I could avoid M and figure out how to relate to him now (kind stuck in that limbo of 'if we're not exclusive are we still friends or downgraded to acquaintances' thing), and it got me thinking about some things that happened last year, during the Footloose production.
Reminiscing time!! *pulls out banjo* I feel that this next bit is best expressed in poem form.
Please ignore the fact that I don't write poetry. Thank you. *strums banjo*
I had a crush on a cute guy
We used to talk and had a great time
Then I found out he was bi
And then the play ended and I never saw him again
(c) The Fox
True story. It was rather traumatic at the time. But I was thinking that now, a year later, I STILL look back on that very short relationship (about a month) and feel a twinge of sadness...and we were just friends. I have no idea how long it'll take me to 'get over' M, esp. since things were bumped up to 'exclusive' and then bumped back down.
(I seem to be super-focused when it comes to 'relationships'...I don't know if that translates to 'clingy' or a refusal to let go or WHAT. Must be that Inspector Javert tendency.)
I dunno...my thoughts are very scattered today. It doesn't help that my dreams, while not disturbing, have a prevalent theme and refuse to focus on anything else. It also doesn't help that I miss M more than I dislike him...and it REALLY doesn't help that by the looks of things I'll have to see him at least 2-3 times a week at the gym. *headdesk* Siiiiiigh. Life is so gosh-darned complicated sometimes.
In other news I found a place that is covered in rust and screaming to have pictures taken of it. So I'm going to grab the dog and run over to take pictures...and then at some point today I'm going to ride the horses, because I haven't ridden for days and I have absolutely nothing planned today. *pumps fist*
Randomness is re-establishing itself in my life...I think I must definately be getting better.